When I look back over the past few years and contemplate the path I now find myself on, I smile broadly and can't help but give thanks and offer gratitude. I know that this journey is one that I was always meant to take. I'm sitting at my desk and it's almost 1.30 am. I've been listening to The Blessing featuring Kari Jobe and Cody Carnes. It's a beautiful song of worship, straight from Scripture, and has become something of an anthem for me.
The Lord bless you And keep you Make His face shine upon you And be gracious to you The Lord turn His Face toward you And give you peace
The Blessing - Credits: Stephen Furtick, Chris Brown, Kari Jobe & Cody Carnes
When I joined Hive in June 2021, I was in the process of trying to carve out some meaning for myself in life; and recommitting to a long-lost love: writing. I wanted to hold myself accountable to write more regularly. I had started a longer form piece the year before during lockdown, but had been forced to put the project on ice because of a shoulder injury. Once I started writing again, however, it wasn't long before my passion was reawakened and I started finding catharsis in the words that flowed from within. Writing short story fiction and poetry, and engaging with others, quickly became a deeply satisfying end in itself.
In this reignition phase, it was through engagement that, two months later, I would meet another Hivian on the blockchain who would awaken something else within me that I had almost forgotten existed: my search for a relatable God. This person quickly became a friend and confidante with whom I shared every facet of my life. I was in awe of her Faith in Christianity and knew that I needed to meet her face-to-face. I flew to California in March 2022 and spent two weeks on top of a mountain, laughing with her til my stomach hurt, and crying til my tears ran dry. I would return to the U.K. feeling like I had left a piece of my heart behind... both in friendship and in trying to reconnect with an idea of God that was slowly re-manifesting itself.
Fast forward to June 2022, and I engaged in a three-day fast leading up to the Queen's Platinum Jubilee celebrations. Not the best timing, given I would be attending a garden party on an empty stomach and staring down endless bowls of amazing food but, in hindsight, a detox was a wonderful way to have entered that weekend, given what was to emerge on the other side.
I had been spending a lot of time searching through Scripture, online texts, and other resources in an effort to be decisive over this thing called Christianity, which both attracted me with its innate beauty and simplicity and caused me huge dilemmas due to previous negative experiences with Christianity in my twenties and Christianity's perceived opposition to science. That Saturday evening, I found myself watching a film, recommended by my friend, about former atheist turned Christian, Lee Strobel. The Case for Christ follows Strobel's quest as an investigative journalist to uncover the truth about the historical Christ. As an atheist, he sets out to disprove Christianity but ends up feeling compelled to believe the Christian narrative after interviewing eminent experts across many different fields of study. It is an interesting and thought-provoking film. I stayed awake after the film and devoured more of Strobel's lectures that I found online, stopping only to break my fast at the predetermined time. Between apologist literature and scientific articles, it started to become clear to me that perhaps science and Christianity were not so much at odds as I had originally thought, but there were still some open questions that left me sitting on the fence. It frustrated me. I wanted something definitive, something concrete that I could point to and say... THIS. Here is the proof either way!
And so I sat there in bed and prayed. And then I decided to play a song that my friend had sent me, called The Blessing, while I looked up a few passages of Scripture in the online Bible. I found myself almost meditating on the lyrics of the song. They were so beautiful and reached into my soul, touching me at such a deep level. Between the lyrics and melody and bible verses, something changed for me. It suddenly dawned on me that I could keep searching forever and never find conclusive evidence or I could consider how I felt about it all, and look to the key of Faith. And that is when I realised that I already knew my answer, I just had to acknowledge it to myself and vocalise it. That weekend, amidst an outpouring of emotion, I accepted Christ and peace into my life.
Four months later I chose to get baptised in a church in Central California. This conceptual rebirth, this public attestation, in some ways cemented my Faith. At the end of the service and just before the baptisms commenced, the pastor announced that they were going to do something different that weekend. That something different was for all of us to worship together before the baptism and then for those being baptised to make their way to the baptism pool while the rest of the congregation continued to worship. The song that was chosen? You guessed it! The Blessing.
Since then there have been a few times in my life when I have felt unsettled and The Blessing never fails to make an appearance. In the past week, I have had to deal with some crazy uncertainties that came at me out of left field. I prayed and opened the Bible app and the verse of the day was The Blessing. A couple of hours later I opened a popular social media site and started scrolling through my notifications and quickly saw one from a friend I haven't spoken to in a few years. She had shared an old memory. I popped onto her profile page and scrolled down to see what else she had posted and saw a share from a friend of hers of The Blessing. To me, it was a double confirmation of God's unfailing presence in my life.
Both the song and the bible verse have come to mean a lot to me over this past year and a bit. It's always uplifting and I draw immense strength and joy from it. I hope you enjoyed it just as much as I do.
This post was in response to the dreem-wotw contest post which can be found here: Let the music touch you
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