Dear Diary, December 4, 2019
Today I have been given some bad news. It’s been nearly a decade since I have seen a doctor and something really did not feel right. I thought it was time to get checked out and make sure it’s not just something that is easy to resolve.
I’ve been quite stressed l as of late due to my failures in life stacking one onto another. I’m just hoping its stress.
2 PM
The doctor has informed me that they are not quite sure what is wrong with me. The tests they were able to perform in-house have confirmed some kind of disease. They are quite unsure but my vital numbers were all over the place.
The only thing certain is I have around a year left to live. While the doctor recommended further tests I declined and walked out of his office. I’ll be dammed if I spend my final months in some hospital bed being miserable.
9 PM
I cried myself to sleep. Tomorrow will be a new day.
December 5, 2019
I finished off a gaming review I was working on. While I was hoping to have it done by Friday I thought there no better time to get it done than today.
I wanted to keep my mind things while I work out how I am going to spend my final days
December 13, 2019
Today is the big day I have a hardcore solo self-found race in Path of Exile. While I usually don’t stay up for the full 24 hours this might be one of the last races I enter.
I push hard and level up my old racing favorite a Shadow class. He ended getting killed to Kitava with it only having 10% health remaining. Like any death in Path of Exile while you play Hardcore you just have to start another character right away and try again.
I burned most of the night away and become quite tired. I managed to kill Kitava but that still was not good enough. I ended up losing the race.
I don’t join these for the Steem that is awarded for the top levels. I just enjoy them. I was rather happy about this event despite losing.
December 15, 2019
I just finished off my yearly baking of over 12 different kinds of cookies, bars, and other sweet treats.
I pack them up nicely and include some final farewells to people I’ve not seen in over a decade. While I still have quite a number of months. I don’t plan on spending them with family members that I only say hi to once a year. They don’t know me and vice versa.
For everyone else that I plan on seeing I include a nice cheerful photo of me in front of the Christmas tree. I am holding a glass of Vodka and giving them cheers in the photo.
December 19, 2019
Today is another big day Steam is having their Winter sale and I’ve been busting my butt during December to get out a few game reviews I wanted.
I publish my standard top 10 lists for games on sale on Steam and include a couple of bonus free to play games like I usually do for those who can’t afford to buy a new video game for Christmas.
As planed like I have done before I’ve taken one of the top 10 search results ranks on google for a number of terms. I targeted many trending about the Steam sale as I have in the past. I keep being in the top results for 24 hours. (This might come true yet again for this year we will have to see.)
Afterward, my post went missing for 2 weeks. I had over four front ends that made it into the top 100 and google slap me across the face for having duplicate content on a number of sites. Things got resorted later on just in time for the sale to end a few days later. Steempeak ended up winning out in the end but I have lost some ranking and ended being 35th—again.
December 24, 2019
Today is Christmas eve and I go about my normal routine. The news has gotten back to some that I have less than a year left to live. I don’t let it get to me.
I make my normal Christmas dinner with turkey, mash potatoes, stuffing, deviled eggs, jello and a bunch of other sides.
I thank everyone for the gifs they have given me and hope they enjoyed what little I managed to pull together. I gave out some bigger presents then I usually do since I won’t be needing the money that much soon enough.
I told them all there won’t be anything left of my assets once I’m done with the year. I’m sorry I could not leave them with something. There are a number of things I want to do and just never could afford it.
It was a great final Christmas. I am quite grateful for the people I got to spend time with. Some of them this was the last time I’ll be seeing them.
December 30, 2019
I finished off the mouth with a number of end of the year posts. Games I am looking forward to playing in 2019 such as Cyberpunk 2077, Mount and Blade Bannerlord and so on.
Along with a News Years resolution with some crazy ideas on it. It gets no comments and is lost in the void a few weeks later.
January 1, 2020
I started to list around 90% of my personal belongings for sale. People don’t tend to understand what has sentimental value and what is just some random trash. I don’t want some loved ones feeling stressed that they have to hold onto something that ended up just being trash.
I’ve written my final Will and who gets my Steem account along with some random Cryptocurrency I have. It’s not a lot of money. If it does end up funding some trips I have planned then I’ll sell off if not at least it was something.
.
January 30, 2020
I’m just down to owning my computer and everything that goes with it, a bed, my backpacking backpack, and camping supplies.
I’ve continued for the month to write two or so reviews per week. I always joked I’d never been able to get through the over 100 games I’ve been stocking piling. I always feared running out of games. Now that won’t be an issue.
February 1-29 2020
I’ve always wanted to return to the mountains. Something I told myself year after year and never did until now.
I start my first of many backpacking and overnight camping trips around my local area. It’s just not the same as when I lived up north. I make do anyway since I’m so out of shape I struggled even taking the easy trails. I’ve really let myself go over the years but that not going stop me.
During the weeks when I was not out camping or hiking I played a number of games on my backlog. I’m dead set still on keeping up my blog.
March 1, 2020
When I was a kid in the boy scouts I went on a two-week-long trip to the Big Horn Mountain range in Wyoming and Montana. I've always wanted to go back and this is the month I do so.
While I’m not in the greatest shape and going alone I’ve at least tried to prepare myself.
Drinking water from the rivers was as cold as I remember. The air as crisp and free as a sunset.
Like when I was a kid I failed to catch any fish! The rest of the trip was an enjoyment.
A couple of the state rangers would show up now and again to check in on how things were going. You really should not be backpacking alone and they try their best to keep on eye on those that do in their part of the woods. Something they didn’t have to do.
April 2020
My friends and I have been telling each other for over a decade we would attend Eve Online’s fanfest in Reykjavik Iceland. Sickness, poorness, family struggles, kids, you name it we always had a reason why everyone could not make it. There are only three of the remaining four of us left. It’s now or never.
I arrive a day early so I could do some sightseeing and meet my friends that I’ve only ever known online. It was wired for about 10 secs than one of us cracked a joke at another making fun of something. We had some fun tossing jokes at each other and had a few drinks at a local bar.
April 2 – 4
Eve Online fanfest has started. Lots of sitting around hearing lectures about the future of the game. Quite geeky and I loved it even more than I would have just watched the videos at home on YouTube.
One of the nights we go on a dev pub crawl and we didn’t make it back to the hotel till 4 am in the morning. We were up bright in early at 6 am not wanting to miss a presentation about economics in Eve Online.
I take a few notes and photos to write about attending the Fanfest for my blog. I always wanted to travel the world and go to different gaming meetups. I at least did it once.
April 5-12
With Eve Online Fanfest over I spent a few extra days in Iceland. I sign up to go on a couple of adventures. From checking out glaciers, caves, and hot springs and a few other sights.
April 13- 30
I return home and write up quite a few gaming posts about Eve Online. I spend the rest of the month just making gaming content and trying to save up money for another trip somewhere else.
I didn’t take any more trips for the rest of the month. I wanted to spend it with some family members who live close by. A few campfires and S’mores nights were had.
May - September
I started up my garden again. I just love growing peppers, tomatoes and herbs.
The neighbors think I’m ducking nuts as I’ve torn up large sections of the backyard. I won’t be planting in containers this year with only a couple of plants. I’m having myself a real garden this year. Screw those who will take issues with this and report it to the landlord and the city.
The city came by quite a few times to give me a fine. The landlord who's not having it anymore has started the process of having me evicted. They can send all the letters they want I’ll keep spending them back crammed full of tomatoes.
October
I headed up to North Carolina and spend a few weeks walking along their green trails and checking out quite a few state parks.
Thought out the month I also play quite a number of VR games. I’ve never owned a VR device myself but it was fun to write content about the experience and seeing how that kind of gaming is slowly progressing forward.
The real reason I’m here is I wanted to spend some quality time with a couple of family members. I also wanted to go trick or treating one last time and got to go along with their kid. We stayed out so late not only were people refusing the answering their doors anymore we got the cops called on us! 35 pounds of candy!
November 20, 2020
I quit blogging on Steem today. I’ve still yet to have a post be on the front page of Steem. At this point, I’ve long stopped caring. I’ve kept things up for now but the price of Steem is around $1. It won’t be enough to pay for my final trip and I see no need to keep going on with it. I’ve written more than most will in a lifetime anyway.
I started to get a few last warnings notices from credit card companies for missing so many payments. I was poor going into this and even selling everything I own would not amount to much. Quite the dishonest thing to do and not something I’ve done before. I would feel like a total scum bag but there was no other way.
I sold my computer and everything else that I could not pack into my backpack.
My permit to be on Mount Everest was declined. I also did not have the massive sum of money required to buy it anyways.
Screw the rules I’ll be dead soon anyway. I got a plane ride out to a rather remote location. It will take me a few weeks of backpacking to make my way to Mount Everest. I did not want the land to close and get put on a watch list due to not being from Nepal with climbing and backpacking gear. All those backpacking trips have lead me to this.
December 4, 2020
The sun rises over the mountain tops. I won’t be making it to the top and I drop down on my knees crying at the sight I see. It was everything I could have asked for in life. Farewell.
Closing
For a large part, I would still do what I’m doing. I love gaming as a hobby and I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon. I don’t travel to different gaming conventions as it is as I have a tiny budget for my hobby. Not worth spending thousands on a trip that I can’t afford and have no way of paying it back.
While I don’t plan on going as extreme on gardening as I would under this scenario I still plan in 2020 to grow a few peppers, herbs and we will have to see how many tomato plants I get.
As far as the backpacking and going on different trips. That’s not out of the question of doing something local. Perhaps one day one of the many things I’m doing will earn enough that I can toss some trips around the country to visit s state parks and mountains. This goal keeps me grinding in life.
Money and time are always the two things stopping me. Once those two mean next to nothing the world is mine to do as I please for a however short amount of time I could. It would be rather short!