scrobble.life
#fiction

the wrong place to MASTURBATE

A good friend of mine asked me to write a funny story to lighten her mood. This is what came to mind. If you find it humorous please let me know. If you don't find it humorous then come back and I will write more stories to entertain and amuse. This particular story is all true and takes place in rural America. Don't judge a book by its cover or story by its title. Read on there is no danger...not much anyway.

Markeeta had worked hard to start her own beauty salon down a lonely rural road 20 minutes outside of a sleepy little Southern town. She had worked years doing hair to save enough to purchase, equip and set her place up just right. Marketa was a sweet lady and people loved to talk with her so they didn't mind going out of their way to see her.

On this particular day, it was early in the morning and a tall, nervous, man she had never met before came in to get a haircut. The majority of clients were women but Markeeta did not discriminate and was glad to give the man a haircut. Marketa introduced herself and the man introduced himself as Dave.

She had him take off his glasses, then Marketa put a cape over him and began to cut his hair. she began with scissors. "Snick Snick" went the scissors as she began. "Snick snick".

She noticed movement under the barber's cape where it covered Dave's lap. At first, she didn't pay much attention but she could tell his hand was moving up and down under the cover. The movement would stop briefly then as she spoke to him the movement would begin again.

She talked about the weather, about politics she even tried talking about baseball but up and down.....up and down went Dave's hidden hand.

Markeeta thought "of all the days for this to happen. I am here alone and this man is pleasuring himself right in front of me". Up down, up down. "Snick snick, snick snick".

By the time Markeeta reached for the clippers, the movement was faster.

Markeeta was a sweet and innocent woman, but she had heard about the ways of some men and had enough of this type of behavior. She was trying to earn an honest living and here was this perv trying to "rub one out" while she worked.

Dave sighed big.

Alone or not with this man, Markeeta was not going to stand there and ignore this type of thing. The neighborhood deviants would start lining up outside her shop if word of this got out.

As the cover went up an down, Markeeta grabbed a heavy wooden hairbrush and hit Dave in the right ear saying,

"You STOP that right now!!

Dave jumped, exclaimed "Ouch!" and swore while looking around bewildered.

The cover was removed and Markeeta was made fully aware that her new customer Davey,

Had been cleaning his classes under the cover of the barber's cape.

Dave was a nervous man with nervous hands. Going into a new place made him extra nervous and the way he burned off that nervous energy was to clean his glasses on his shirt tail.

Markeeta, poor dear, apologized profusely.

Dave left that day with a red ear, a free haircut and a story to tell.

This is a true story. The names have not been changed. This freewrite was made in response to @gildedjack's freewrite challenge using masturbate as the prompt.

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@enginewitty @dreemssteem @saffisara @brisby @natural-woody @theredearredguy @thesilverfox

Comments · 20

  • @brisby(59)· 2619d

    Ha!!!! I feel bad for Markeeta but I'm also laughing so hard! Though it turned out the poor guy was completely innocent, I'll give her kudos for not putting up with anything like that in her chair!

  • @foxyspirit(65)· 2621d

    That's hilarious! I was just imagining how it would be to be Markeeta and having to deal with something like that, must be damn stressful! But what if that was what was happening? I think I would have still be embarrassed to see that.

  • @prettynicevideo(72)· 2621d

    OMGOSH!!!!!!!!! REMINDS ME OF THE DAY A FRIEND OF MINE WAS TELLING ME ABOUT HER HAIR CUT AND HOW THE BARBER (YES SHE WENT TO BARBERSHOPS) CUT HER EAR. THIS WAS IN '98. WE WERE ALL TRIPPING ON LSD AND SHE CONTINUED WITH HER STORY, TELLING ME HE HAD NIPPED HER EAR WITH THE SCISSORS. HE THEN SAID, "IM SO SORRY, ITS A GOOD THING YOU HAVE TWO" SHE SAID , "NO I DON'T" AS SHE PUSHED HER HAIR BACK AND I SAW, NO EAR..... OMG I WENT ON THE WORST TRIP EVER!!! SHE HAD CHIN LENGTH HAIR, I NEVER KNEW..... NUTS! SHE LIVED WITH ME, LIKE I NEVER KNEW!!!!

  • @arcange(79)· 2622d

    Congratulations @naltedtirt! Your post was mentioned in the Steem Hit Parade in the following category:

    • Comments - Ranked 3 with 85 comments
  • @mastersa(54)· 2622d

    love it! Such an uplifting story. Glad everybody was okay... haha what a twist. There's some really great lessons here.

  • @carlgnash(71)· 2622d

    OMG I hope you are not pulling my... leg :) This is a great true story if true! It rubbed me the right way, if I can say that? LOL

  • @naltedtirt(67)· 2622d

    Heffa lumper feffer clumper possum striper streppa liper.

  • @helpiecake(55)· 2622d

    Hello!

    This post has been manually curated, resteemed and gifted with some virtually delicious cake from the @helpiecake curation team!

    Much love to you from all of us at @helpie! Keep up the great work!

    ![helpiecake](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmP66LaAGZVvLR7TWSHD1S8SjmWMxGLQuVMQetrFEoj66M/helpiecake-strawberry.png)

    Manually curated by @veryspider.

  • @veryspider(69)· 2622d

    hahahahah............. this is amazing <3 i love how you wrote this out, @naltedtirt <3 .... had to say that this was ....(unfortunately?) very relatable to me but thankfully im a girl, so i didn't get whacked on my ear XD but im nervous also and i was fidgeting a lot with my hands under the hairdresser's cover until she had to ask if i had a skin condition that makes me itch a lot and that was super embarrassing LOL

    ANYWAY <3 GREAT STORY ! I LOVE IT :D

  • @naltedtirt(67)· 2622d

    !popcorn

  • @naltedtirt(67)· 2622d

    Blam wham boop pop zowie wowie zamberoonie

  • @dreemsteem(74)· 2622d

    Ohhhhh myyyyy goshhhh lololololol

    This is SO embarrassing!!! Hahahhahaa

    You did a great job making me laugh!! Love that this was an actual story!

    Thank you for making me laugh! Heading out on thr plane RIGHT NOW.... Taxiing actually hehehe

    Leaving behind two of the sweetest traveling buddies who waited with me and watched out the window as I got on the plane!

  • @c-squared(61)· 2622d

    This post was shared in the Curation Collective Discord community for curators, and upvoted and resteemed by the @c-squared community account after manual review.
    @c-squared runs a community witness. Please consider using one of your witness votes on us here
  • @silverd510(79)· 2622d

    That is a very funny story......hope she is still in business.

  • @naltedtirt(67)· 2623d

    He rubbed it up fast Or she thought that what happened But it was glasses

  • @naltedtirt(67)· 2623d

    !popcorn

  • @audreybits(59)· 2623d

    This is one funny story🤣🤣, i feel for Dave... His poor ears. Lol!

    You are a really good story teller, you tell your story is such a captivating way... and with a beautiful twist too. I love it!

    Posted using Partiko Android

  • @swedishdragon(69)· 2623d

    ratflol <claps hands ! suuuperb story !! i do sooo love your way of portrait her:

    Markeeta was a sweet and innocent woman

    BUT she comes loaded with a huge wooden hairbrush LOL :P awsome job, your also really good at writing :D & yes i found this utteRRly hilarious ;) :P

  • @dkkarolien(68)· 2623d

    😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 No comment

    Posted using Partiko Android

  • @saffisara(74)· 2623d

    OMG... 😂😂😂😂 Hahaha I LAUGHED SO HARD 👏 This was Amazing writing and I felt sorry for Markeeta first thinking he was pleasing himself and he only.... 😂😂😂 Hahaha Cleaned his glasses... Poor nervous Dave... This you? True story? 😂😂 Hahaha

    Thank you for the laugh.... Loved this my friend. You are priceless! ❤️

    Posted using Partiko Android