^{And what happens to her if I have sex with an electrified penis?}

Would it be like touching an eel?

I'm Not Ashamed

^{Of My Lightning Rod}

I am getting a little bit worried though because that thunder is coming closer and closer. I fear I might not be able to finish this article before it all goes down.

If I'm here tomorrow with singed pubic hair and a dick that can't decide if it wants to go to sleep or have a party, will you people exclude me from your social circles and whisper about me behind my back?

The entire planet Palnet will be all like:

He's the reason they put warning labels on dishwashers. ^{Tee hehehehehe.}

And Steemians be like:

That's what you get for hodling it all night.

I can already hear it.

^{I hope you can understand.}

It's not my fault I'm about to send Mr. Happy to death row for a dress rehearsal. It's your fault for making me write important articles the world can't live without.

Everyone knows that.

I guess there are some health benefits I'll get to enjoy though.

They'll probably give me one those fancy blue placards that allows me to park close to the door. That'll come in handy for winter but how will I be able to explain myself when someone says, "Hey! You're walking normally! That spot is reserved for people with disabilities! You should be ashamed of yourself! I'm taking a picture of you! Your car! Your license plate! Your arrogance! And I'll be plastering this all over Facebook within an hour or two! You're going down, buddy!"

I don't see how whipping out my cock just to prove a point is going to deescalate that situation.

Police will probably come and give me another shot with the taser just to amplify my P.T.S.D.

How many volts is healthy for a man these days anyway? One year they say this much, the next year they say that much, then in ten years they're saying none because it gives you cancer.

Zippers and static. I'm freaking out just thinking about it. I'll have to buy special underwear and all those fancy pills they make you take when your soul needs soothing.

Shock therapy.

^{I'd probably need that.}

Have a look at this breaking news:

Lightning is sexist!

^{This is an outrage!}

So that's why those happy friendly equal rights ladies are out there yelling at the clouds.

They're right though. I think women should get struck just as much as men.

Anyway

^{I guess I'm not as lucky as those other guys.}

The clouds are clearing up and it's probably safe now to use my laptop. I guess I better get to work so you people have a post to read today.

I have no clue what to write about though, so don't expect much.

Have a nice day.

Credits:

All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.

^{(Except for the one that clearly shows the source.)}

^{"I don't know why that says 'Huge' either."}

^{© 2019 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.}