Are you sick of paying for your entertainment?
Do warm, fuzzy feelings piss you off?
Are you already thinking this must be some sort of scam?
Are you answering yes within your mind as if someone is actually speaking to you?
Of Course You Are!
and
You've Come to the Right Place!
My name is @NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist/One Hell of a Guy Himthefuckself, and I will be your host.
Today, I have an exciting offer!
I currently seek an audience large enough to fill a stadium and then some. My vision includes people hanging from the rafters, people outside getting pepper sprayed and beat down by cops, and people inside feeling drunk as fuck on tears of joy!
The only thing holding me back from instantly achieving this purified form of insanity I call greatness is this goddamn blogging platform I'm currently using.
STEEM is Fucking Awesome
We simply don't have the numbers yet to sustain any sort of viable entertainment industry. This is baffling. I can't seem to wrap my head around it. People, literally, get paid, to hit a "like" button around here!
Durp!
That's right! Imagine a plane of existence that included you getting paid every time you hit the "like" button on Facebook or Youtube. You know damn well you've done this very simple action with your fancy motor skills thousands if not millions of times in your life.
And You Didn't Get Shit!
You sat there on your ass for a decade slurping up all forms of media, getting fat, and never once did the shit you enjoyed that day ever pay for your next cheeseburger!
Those days are over my friends!
Let's be honest though, this won't make you rich, so stop dreaming! Wake up!
I'm pretty damn sure though, if you were given a lil somethin somethin for your efforts when it came time to show your appreciation for the high quality entertainment or information you prefer, that might be enough to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
Have a Look at this Fake Testimonial from the Future
Hi! Is this thing on? Hello? Hello? How did I get here? Mom?
Whoa! Sorry about that! Let's try it again, shall we? Hopefully with a little less idiot this time.
Hi! My name is Nancy and I've been a member of Steemit since 2017.
Earlier this week, my shitty little laptop crapped out on me. I've been using it to consume cat videos and information about sustainable horticultural solutions for a little over five years.
I'd be devastated, have to take out a loan and say, "No college for you, kids," had it not been for Steemit.com!
Over time, I was able to accumulate a few hundred dollars by simply showing my appreciation and hitting a "like" button. It all added up, little by little, and turned out to be enough to purchase the best laptop I've ever had the privilege of owning!
Now I don't feel so guilty sitting on my ass all day. I know full well, consuming the information I enjoy online will continuously pay for a new device so I can keep coming back for more! I even lost thirty pounds and I'm the envy of all my friends!
I love you!
Nancy, your story touched my heart. You are a beautiful human being. I love you too.
But That's Not All!
No Sir, Ma'am, It, These, Those and Them Over There. This short bus of cultivated happiness will not be stopping any time soon!
Now
You've enjoyed your online experience. You've hit that nifty little button to say, "Dayum son! That was some good shit right there! Keep it coming you dirty slut!"
Something still feels like it's missing though. You feel like saying something to the actual producer of the glorious online experience you somehow managed to live through without leaking urine all over the brand new chair you recently purchased using your I fucking love this shit rewards.
Breathe! Are you ready?
You Get Paid for That Shit Too!
That's right! You could sign up today, drop me a line in the comment section below and if I don't think you're a complete tool, I may just hit that little "like" button myself!
Cha-ching! Money in the bank!
Just think of all those times you headed over to Youtube, witnessed some cool-ass video, put your two cents worth of information into the comment box, got completely ignored or worse... reamed out by an army of trolls for six years!
Was it worth it?
No, dammit! It wasn't! That could all change for you today though if you know what's good for you.
Welcome to My Stadium!
When was the last time you went to a live performance and they handed you a five-spot at the door for showing up?
Never! You pay them every time unless you're some kind of sleazebag who sneaks in the back door only to be met with two fists and a boot up the ass. Sometimes you'll spend three years saving up just so you can go stand in line for two hours outside in the cold with the hopes they'll eventually let you inside to see some egomaniac have a public meltdown and then storm off stage yelling about chicken fingers and no dip!
How many times has an artist continuously produced your favorite style of entertainment all while handing you a piece of the pie?
Never! Unless you count that shitty creased up poster that came along with the trendy recording on vinyl. Do you like being treated like a child during happy meal time? Is your life one big fucking cereal box?
No!
So get your ass on here faster than the bible insurance salesman skipped town.
Bookmark this page!
Sign on up!
Don't lose your damn password you asshole, that's your bank card now!
Don't forget to share this message all over the world on every social media platform you can shake a click at! The more people we have jumping on this grandstanding bandwagon, the easier it'll be for you to make that money!
Come on down to the comment section and say, "Thank you, crazy mystery man! You saved my life!"
For that you'll earn your first penny. If others come along to hook you up, you might even get a shiny new nickel!
"But, that's not enough..."
You can check your damn entitlement issues at the door! Have you not been paying attention? It adds up over time! Don't you realize tomorrow exists and yesterday is nothing but a cesspool of your bullshit if you don't change that attitude! You've been sitting there on your ass enjoying things for free for this many years. It's about damn time you got paid for it!
And don't forget to tell your mom!
That way, we can finally put this little puzzle to rest once and for all.
That's right! I helped your mom!
Technical Mumbo Jumbo
It's not free, unless you want it to be!
Purchasing STEEM to reward your favorite creators is a revolutionary method of tipping those you feel deserving of rewards. Many independent online content creators will ask for donations. You hand them $100, that money is gone forever. Hand them another $100, that many is gone forever! Noticing a pattern?
You're wasting your money! You're treating content producers in the same way you would a stripper working the pole at the sleazy bar on the outskirts of town!
With STEEM, you can spend that same $200, keep it locked away securely in your own fancy new online wallet, and tip your favorite producers of what keeps you busy during your down time, forever!
The more STEEM you purchase, the more you're allowed to give each time you hit that upvote button.
But that's not all! All curators such as yourself, big and small, earn a fair percentage of those rewards you hand out, in return!
I'm not even kidding.
That's how you get paid to read my shit!
Spend $200, tip about 10 or more of your favorite content producers, every day, forever, and get a return on that initial investment of $200!
You're not required to spend $200. You can invest whatever you're comfortable with but the more you invest, the more you'll earn.
And at any point, if you're sick of all this shit, you can take whatever value you have in your wallet and say, "Screw you guys! I'm going home!"
So what do you say?
Are you planning to keep throwing your money away...
Or will you invest, today?
The choice, is yours.
#Tah-tah!
Credits:
All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
"Fun with marketing. Don't forget to share!"
© 2019 @NoNamesLeftToUse.
