Hello Hive Students,
It's Abeegail again, I think I've been sold a lie about what being in the university entails or maybe they didn't. Maybe they just forgot to mention the parts that don't make it into the stories.
Growing up, i thought university looked like freedom. It looked exciting. It was the place where people "found themselves." Everyone seemed happier, more confident, more fashionable. The girls were pretty, with fresh braids and cute outfits, and the boys, they somehow always looked like they had life figured out, and they were friends who looked like they were making memories every other day. University looked like the beginning of the best years of your life.
While all this is true, no one really talked about what comes with it, the other side of the coin. No one told me that this would probably be the most burnt-out I've ever felt. Every day it's the same routine; Wake up. Go to class. Worry about assignments. Worry about money. Try to make whatever is left in my account stretch just a little longer. Study because not because I love too(at least not anymore) but because I have to pass. Think about my future because apparently every decision I make now is supposed to shape the rest of my life.
It's exhausting. I'm expected to get good grades, at the same time build my CV, network because "it's not just what you know, it's who you know," make lifelong friends, discover my passion, enjoy my youth, and try not to go crazy in between all of that. And if I'm not doing all of these then I'm somehow behind.
Let's not forget how lonely university could be and I'm not even talking about being physically alone but being alone in the presence of company. I go out everyday and I'm surrounded by classmates, roommates, people walking to lectures, people laughing in groups, yet it still feels alien, like you don't belong.
And there this pressure because everyone says my future beings here. And suddenly decisions are harder to make because they feel bigger than they supposed to be, right from the choice of course to the people you surround yourself with, to when to say yes to a once in a lifetime opportunity and when to turn down that invite. Questions like what if I make the wrong choice, or I waste my youth, or I miss the right opportunity, often grace my mind and never seem to go away because I never seem to find the answers.
And honestly?
Sometimes I miss my mum telling me what to do. I miss hearing that her commanding voice, that I sometimes find so annoying, reminding me about the obvious things. Like not forgetting to eat or sleep or do my assignments. Now I realize that, that her annoying commands was her carrying part of the mental load that I have to carry myself.
These days, I'm often at a loss.
I don't always know what the right decision is. I don't always know whether I'm doing enough. Sometimes I just hope that the version of me five years from now will look back and understand why I made the choices I did. I still don't think university is what they painted it to be, It's less glamorous, more stressful, and far more uncertain than anyone prepared me for.
I still doubt if these are supposed to be the best years of my life. Because quite frankly I just want it to be over and I get to the point of my life where everything is okay.
It's Still Abeegail ✨ 💗 The undergrad.
The Images are mine Thank you for Reading 😊
