A Family Told Tale of Gnomes
Presented by the Alliance Family(You know you want to click that link) one bit at a time Cereal fashion-or maybe that's Serial fashion. Wait until you've read my part until you tell me I'm wrong.
Blame Snook Part 1 by Snook here Part 2 by grindan here Part 3 by enginewitty here Part 4 by wwweibe here Part 5 by summertooth here Part 6 by slothlydoesit here
Mariposa Grove used under license from Hear2heal.
I Met A Guy
A small guy. I was just chillin' out in the Mariposa Grove at Yosemite National Park, doing what I normally do, staying completely away from people. It's quite easy in the Mariposa Grove, most people don't even know about it because of Half Dome and El Capitan and Yosemite Falls and really, Yosemite in general. To most, it's just a place they drive by. But it's an incredibly peaceful grove of Sequoia Trees, the largest living creatures on the planet.
A Gnome by any other Gname
He'd snuck up on me, I didn't even hear him. Maybe because I was seriously considering a nap, or had possibly even commenced. He stuck out his tiny little hand and said "I'm Gnomer. You got anything to say about that?"
"Why would I have anything to say about that?"
"Everybody laughs at my name. Everybody." said Gnomer.
"Yeah? But I don't give two shits what your name is." said I.
You'd have thought I hit him by his reaction. He literally collapsed on the ground. "Gnomes don't ever talk that way." he croaked.
It was then that I realized that he was really close. Being near asleep I hadn't realized he was in my personal space and was REALLY little. I felt bad about knocking him to the ground.
"Oh. Sorry. If you will back up just a little I'll try to do better with my mouth."
A Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth
Gnomer proceeded to tell me his story. First he asked if I wanted a beer. "Nope. Thanks. I don't drink." Honest to God he turned and walked directly into a crack in the nearest tree trunk. He came out with a regular 12 oz bottle of Bud and made himself comfortable. I could not believe what I'd seen.
He told me a tale of woe about himself and his people. How he'd been named by insensitive parents and was bullied all his life because of it. How he couldn't get a decent job or a good tree to live in. No woman would expose herself to the ridicule that his name brought on.
Everybody in his circle thought he was stupid because he had a stupid name. By the time he got around to his third beer he got to the heart of the matter. The trees his people lived in were in trouble and though most of them looked healthy they were dying.
There apparently was some hot shot power couple that was working on the tree problem. Emma and Fred. They were using psychedelics to try to figure out the problem. Being sort of anti social Gnomer decided to find a solution and get out of Gnomeville at the same time. He'd read about the Mariposa Grove and came to check it out.
Motorcycle Gnome used under license from anaterate
Rode all the way on a motorcycle (or more correctly, a scooter. A Honda Ruckus that was way big for him). He wheeled it right out of the tree, like there was nothing to it. I asked for a picture of him and his bike, but he refused. Seems you can't take pictures of Gnomes.
He did have a bit of sculpture of him that I could take a picture of. Stored in the tree, of course.
At The End
I haven't been back to the Mariposa Grove (or Yosemite) in several years. I have no idea if the Gnomes of Gnomeville solved their tree problem using Fred and Emma's methods or if they chose the enlightened and easy way of living in the Sequoias. I've always kind of rooted for the underdog and Gnomer has that covered. Come on back for the next installment to find out.
Playlist
Every decent story needs some music. Check out Montrose with "Get On Your Bad Motorscooter and Ride". Yes, that's a very young Sammy Hagar as frontman.
