During family functions, a mother or an auntie may be busy preparing what everyone will eat, making sure everything is in order, settling an argument, and being busy with other things. Someone looks at her, smiles, and says, "This woman is strong." Barely anyone called her and told her to take a break or when last she sat down.
What I have seen is that our society today always expects women to be strong in a way that those who are around them will benefit from. They have been placed in a position where they are expected to shoulder almost everything, from caring for relatives to earn to always keeping the home uptight, running, and not complaining when they are tired. And if she is exhausted and she voices out, some might tag her as difficult. And if she continues to manage by not saying anything, some might assume she is coping. And when she says nothing, that becomes evidence that she does not need anything.
Out of all these, what is not unfair is that strength can become a duty that she is never expected to resign from. People will always praise her as being independent, and by that, they will refuse to offer her help. And telling such a woman, "Let me take care of this today," that sentence alone can mean more than how capable she is.
Though I am not yet married nor with children, and I will never do it, as if I know the full weight of what those responsibilities look like now. But on so many occasions, I have seen how some women brush off tiredness just because they do not want to be tagged as someone that is not capable. And fear, I will say, is that most people depend on women like that, while such women do not have someone they feel safe to depend on. The women in my life and space, if it is something I can do even though I have other things to do, I will do it rather than allow her to shoulder all the task alone when I am also available.
What I believe is that women can still be allowed to be strong in their own capacity without treating them like someone who is a machine or unbreakable. We should always give them support, always, and when we cannot, when they collapse. And when we say someone is dependable, that should not disqualify them from receiving the same care they give out to others.
Thinking deeply about this now made me wonder how many would come out and ask for help knowing fully that they won't be castigated or judged for asking for help and needing it.
Thank you for reading.
