Well, recently, the algorithms have started being strange and showing me wedding-related stuff seemingly everywhere. From diamond rings for sale (romantic!) to second-hand wedding gowns on Vinted, and most recently even chic wedding venues on Instagram. I struggle to understand. As I say, my feed is typically Modric and Halland these past few weeks. Nothing in any online interaction I've had (other than complaining about this yesterday) had anything to do with weddings. Yet here we are.
And being as I am a naturally curious person, it wasn't long till I got to thinking about it.
The dresses on Vinted were surprisingly chic (well, a few of them) and affordable. Definitely a better deal than the specialized store I passed by yesterday night, on my way home. I've never understood the insane amounts of money people waste on weddings. Dresses and veils and shoes and make-up and tuxedos and all sorts of crap. Why? Because everyone else does it?
I mean, I get the symbolism and even the beauty of tradition of the white dress and so on. And I appreciate the sentiment of solidifying a union through marriage, for sure. I kinda like the thought of it, particularly in this age, this sort of betting against the house. Provided, of course, you find something worth betting on.
But it seems a lot of people get married out of inertia. To be respectable, or mollify their partner. To be less lonely. Often just because they've been together a suitable amount of time and it's the next logical step. Hm.
And why do they need to do it all in the same way?
Personally, I wouldn't give a fuck about getting married in a Vinted gown, if I chose to do the gown thing, at all. I recently went with a friend to return a dress she'd bought for a wedding (only as an attendee, mind). Very expensive, of course, and with a limited life-span. Since most of the weddings you go to are in the same circle of people, broadly speaking, it won't do to wear the same dress over and over. So then, where else do you wear it? Lidl? I went around the store while I waited for her, checking out the dresses (and the price tags). Ugly, uncomfortable, bland.
Then you have the venues themselves. "Get married in beautiful so-and-so chateau on the edge of Bucharest!" "Say 'I do' on the beach."
Which I wouldn't necessarily mind, only the sameness of it bugs me. I mean, if you're booking a specialized wedding venue, presumably, you're not alone. In fact, you're probably just one in a long line of identical-looking couples, doing identical-looking things, just in slightly different time-slots.
Which, I suppose, is a good way to describe some people's entire lives. So.
I remember watching American shows as a kid - Friends and the like - and thinking this was just something you do. But as I got older, I became considerably, growingly disenchanted with "just what you do", and understanding it's more of a case-by-case basis.
You dream of getting married in a perfect white gown? Suit yourself. For years, I said if I ever got married, it'd be a dress like Axl Rose's girlfriend in the video for "November Rain". You want to get married on the beach? Get married on the beach.
But, for God's sake, don't be fucking beige.
Just because everybody else is doing it. Which, paradoxically, detracts from the very purpose of a wedding (in my humble opinion), namely affirming your love and loyalty to this one person through it all. Isn't that what wedding someone ought to be? Entering a covenant with God to put your marriage in the highest place as you go through this mortal life, and navigate life together?
Seems to get lost in the expenses and the posh dresses, and the fancy venues, drinking and the typical bullshit that surrounds the wedding industry. And I don't imagine that's a good sign for the rest of your marriage, is it?
Me, if I were to design a wedding, I'd make it simple. Private. Real. Putting the union, the meat of it so to speak, at the heart of it all (not some fucking designer dress). And then have a monstrous, silly, genuine party. None of this stilted, orchestrated dancing and band. Specific menus and shit. Just a proper old bash, you know?
I wouldn't do the gift (monetary or physical) thing either. What's the point, in this day and age, when the happy couple has presumably been living together for years, and either has a toaster already or a good reason for not having one. You don't need a plate set. You don't need money, hopefully, right now (and hopefully when you do, there will be people who can help you, otherwise you're fucked anyhow). If a gift, then make it symbolic, a piece of wisdom, a book, artwork made specifically for the couple. That kinda thing.
What worries me, though, is that as most people grow up, it never seems to occur to them that that one path outlined in the movies is just one among many. That they're actually making this life they're inhabiting, and not just some kinds of zombies going through the motions.
Huh.
Here, in Romania, weddings are a veritable cash-cow, with generous sums passing hands as wedding gifts and quid-pro-quo attendance. I pray I may be very sick and/or somewhere far far away when my few friends get hitched. What are wedding "traditions" like where you are?
