O! Great Spider to whom I am enslaved! Catch the noise of the thoughts plaguing me in your great web before they are heard Spin your webs within my mind where I have granted you residency Knot the silk traps tightly and devour the darkness within the recesses of my subconscious Fill your belly and grow in size and stature as you feast on the festering echoes of pain/confusion/anger/violence; memories of murder and blood spilled on the carpet that emanated stale cigarette smoke where I used to sit crisscross-applesauce while watching morning cartoons Chew on my earliest understandings of adult love, adult life, adult relationships, adult conflict, adult anger, adult death, adult hatred; ideas fed to my freshly forming kindergarten brain, starving for knowledge of all things, fresh from the womb Rid me of the memories of the murderer and his passion for my grandmother:
Passion that brought him to her Passion that made him ask strange questions Passion that made him raise his voice Passion that made him leave Passion that made him return Passion that he was unable to bear Passion that told him it was not over when she was tired of his fragile mind, full of lessons yet to be learned, having only lived half of the years as she Passion that brought him to call to wish her a happy belated birthday Passion that filled him with a generous spirit, begging to bring a surprise gift for her anniversary of birth Passion that startled the elderly neighbor and inspiring her pick up her landline telephone to call police and then my father as the murderer pounded on the door at the top of the staircase with rifle in hand, Passion that pulled the trigger Passion that filled her barren stomach with lead Passion that turned the stale cigarette ash filled carpet red with blood Passion that caused the murderer to lock himself in the apartment and hide from the sirens outside the window as my father shook with rage and grief and adrenaline and tears as he waited in the court below, pistol hidden under the seat, his mother bleeding to death in the building in front of him, an armed man threatening the police to remain off the stairs, police forcing my father to wait behind them as they conducted official police business, vibrating in a compliant rampage unarmed as she bled and the policemen waited Passion that placed the rifle to his lips as a final kiss goodbye Passion that spilled his brains on the carpet where I would sleep in my pajamas
O! Great Spider, Swallow all passions of mine and leave nothing behind to feel Let me live numb to the experiences of my soul Fill me with apathy Dull my senses to stimuli Lock me in purgatory, O Great Spider, and I will feed you forever
