I'm very much delighted in this topic, so much. And the reason is that it's one of the few prompts that allows one to be honest with themselves. I didn't see anything like it coming, but I'm glad it did. And I'm even more glad I can be a part of it.
So, yes. I have an internal critic; it is a voice that speaks to me a lot of times, so I know it so well. I know it so well to an extent that I've never mistaken it for another. It has this favorite word it loves to say, "Can you really do it?" Yeah, that's its favorite word.
And you know the most funniest part, it rarely speaks when something is going in a bad way, that time when I'm having a great time and things are going the way I wanted it to, that is when it comes. When I'm doing something and I'm so confident in its outcome, it will come and remind me of everything that could go wrong and ask me if I'm sure I can tell myself to do it.
It won't even stop at that; it would also go ahead to bring to my remembrance things that had gone wrong in the past, especially when I'm about to delve into something new and promising. It will come like a thief in the night with different things: "What if you fail again? What if you don't succeed at it? What if.....?"* And that is how a small sentence, it says, would turn into an argument and a conversation in my head.
And if I'm to imagine this internal critic of mine as a person, I imagine him as someone who will always be where I am, sitting or standing, arms folded and watching every single thing that I do. He would be that kind of person who never forgets anything, especially my mistakes. A very observant and ready-to-criticize kind of person.
One thing I've come to realize about him, though, is that he's not always right. There are times that he's just trying to protect me; he's just saying those things so I won't be disappointed later. He's just trying to look out for me and making me see things that might probably go wrong. To him, if I expect less, then failing and failure will hurt less. And I understand, just that I've refused to always listen to him, because if I do, I will at the end of the day miss good things too.
So, these days when it comes to his usual, asking me if I can really do it, I try to smile and reply to him by saying, "At least let me try." And sometimes, that is enough.
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Images are AI generated.
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