I pulled up at some traffic lights. Funk music was blaring from my car as if I were a seventies pimp on my way to collect my money from an assortment of spandex-clad ho's.
If anyone had told me a few months ago that I would be listening to AI-generated funk covers of metal songs, I would have laughed in their face and spat in their eye.
Well, the joke's on me because I am hooked.
Over the racket of funk I saw a bespectacled guy in the car alongside gesticulate frantically at me. Crikey, maybe he was a funk-soul brotha? No doubt wanting to wish me well in my journey through life.
I decided to ignore the fucker though, there was always the possibility that rather than being my funk brother from another mother he might just have been after a sniff of my pants.
That shit happens when I go tootling about town.
Honk!
I huffed and looked to the side. For fuck sake, this guy wasn't quitting. He was motioning me to roll down my window.
I let out a weary sigh and shook my head.
Alright then you doss fucker.
I clicked the passenger side window down and said, as patiently as possible.
WHIT!?
I threw in a gnarly, I'm going to punch you until you look like smoked tofu look for good measure.
Mate, you're on fire!?
He squawked like a parakeet in a blender.
Well, thank you very much!
I must admit I preened a little. It's not every day that my magnificence gets recognised by strangers on the street. Perhaps it was the funk, perhaps it was just my awesome mannity.
Mate, fuck sake... Your engine!? I think your engine is on fire?!
He pointed frantically at the bonnet of my lovely, still sort of new car.
I flicked a glance in the direction he pointed.
A curl of steam was gently rising from the engine like the breath from a Spaniard's nostrils in the early dawn morning as they attempt to steal the milk from their neighbour's goat.
Aye sure, I'll crack the jokes dude.
I laughed and shook my head at the absurdity of the prick. Couldn't he see that I was living my best life? Ain 't no rain on this brutha's parade?
What? Seriously mate, pull over and turn your engine off.
The man looked distraught, as if I had somehow gotten him pregnant and given him the news that I wanted nothing to do with the frog spawn shit he was incubating.
I frowned and gave him the hard stare.
Was this a carjacking? Was he attempting to get me to pull over so he could soil my interior with a different kind of funk?
Aye dude, I'll turn your engine off. LOL.
I rolled my window back up and fixed my gaze ahead waiting for the light to change.
Owl-Man shouted something at me but it was lost in the funk and the foggy smoke billowing around the car.
His car roared off as the light changed with him still gesticulating madly at me. No doubt he would be using this tale to moisten up his wife later. It wouldnt be the first time I had been used as a sex-aid.
Something beeped on my dashboard, a red light winking in and out.
Hmm, now the car was nagging me? Surely there couldnt be anything wrong with it? I mean, it was practically new?
I mean what rotter would sell a family man an absolute piece of shit banger that was going to go on fire within a mere month or two of being purchased?
Surely such things couldn't happen in a civilsed world such as this?
Nah, it would be fine. I just needed more funk...
That's you!
