Do I ever feel jealous? Yes I do. Even though it doesn't happen often, it just comes suddenly. You know, that tight feeling in your chest when someone you care about is giving their attention to someone else. For a long time, I used to think that feeling was a proof that I love someone. These days I don't think that anymore.
Is Jealousy a sign of love, or is it just insecurity?
Honestly, I think most times it's insecurity pretending to be love. When you truly love someone you want them to be free and happy, even in moments that don't involve you. But jealousy is quite different. It comes from fear, fear that someone else will soon replace you, fear that if you stop monitoring you will loose them. That fear can be very strong which makes it to look like love. But strong feelings and love are not the same.
But I won't say jealousy is completely bad though. I think a little bit of it is normal, I mean we're all human. But problem starts when that small feeling begin to control your actions.
How I know if jealousy is healthy or if it's becoming controlling
For me, it's about what i do after the feeling comes.
Healthy jealousy stays inside you. You notice it, you sit down with it, you even ask yourself why it's there, and after a while it just passes. It doesn't push you to start controlling the other person's movement or actions.
Controlling jealousy is a different matter entirely. It stops being about your own feelings and starts being about restricting the other person, going through their phone, questioning everywhere they go, needing them to always explain themselves. At this point, it's no longer just a feeling, it has turned into a way of controlling someone.
Let me share something that happened to me.
There was a time I felt that small sting of jealousy when a close friend of mine started spending more time with a new person. At first I felt a bit left out, even a small way slighted. But instead of turning it into their problem, I sat with the feeling first. I asked myself, am I really being neglected here, or am I just scared of losing my place in this friendship? Once I was sincere with myself, the feeling reduced on its own. I didn't need my friend to prove anything to me, I just needed to trust what we already had.
That, to me, is the real difference. Healthy jealousy makes you look inward. Controlling jealousy makes the other person feel small so that you can feel safe.
When ever it wants to rise, I let myself feel it, but I don't act on it immediately. I usually ask myself what is really behind the feeling, is it the situation, or an old fear I've been carrying.
If it's worth talking about, I bring it up calmly, without accusing anyone, and I usually remind myself that trust is something I choose again and again, not something I get by controlling another person
Jealousy will always show up one way or the other in any relationship that matters to you. The goal is not to stop feeling it completely, the goal is to make sure it never becomes the one driving.
This is my take for the indiaunited contest
https://ecency.com/@indiaunited/indiaunited-new-contest-and-last-a295d61a65ef5?referral=mmam
Image is created with ideogram.
