The truth is that nobody enjoys being rejected. Whether it is a job, a contest, a friendship, or a plan i was excited about, the first thing i feel when i hear "no" is a small sinking in my chest. I go quiet for a while. My mind starts replaying everything, and i ask myself what i did wrong and whether i could have done better.
Over the years, i have learned how to handle it. First, I let myself feel it. I used to pretend i was fine, but hiding disappointment only makes it heavier, so now i admit that it hurts and i give myself a little time. Second, i look for the lesson. Sometimes there is a skill to improve or a mistake i have to correct to correct. Other times there is nothing to learn, and it simply was not meant for me. Knowing these differences has saved me a lot of stress. Thirdly, I keep moving. Teaching has helped me a lot with this. I see it every day with my Basic 1 to 3 pupils. A child who gets a sum wrong does not give up on school. They wipe the board, try again the next day, and often get it right. I try to give myself the same patience.
Though one rejection taught me more than all the others.
I remember in my previous school when our school planned an excursion. The head teacher selected the pupils and the teachers who would go, and i was not among them. I felt really bad that time. I am not proud to admit it, but i did. I wondered why i was left out. I asked myself if i did something wrong, or if i was not seen as good enough for the trip. I remember watching the others get ready, and it felt like i was the only one left behind. It seems small now, but at that moment it really hurt.
Then the news came. The bus was attacked by a village masquerade group, and two of the teachers were badly bitten.
I sat still for a long time after i heard it. I could not believe it. The very thing i was sad about was the thing that kept me out of danger. I felt sorry for them, and i was also deeply thankful for myself, and i still find it hard to explain both feelings together. It reminded me how little we know about what tomorrow holds, and how quickly a "disappointment" can turn into something we thank God for.
That day changed the way i see rejection. Although i also understood that a closed door is not always a punishment. Sometimes it is protection. I could not see it then, but that "no" was looking after me, even while i was busy feeling sad about it.
I am not saying every rejection hides something as serious as this. Most do not, and some rejections just hurt and teach us to grow. But since then, when i am not chosen for something, i try to be patient before judging it. I always tell myself that i may not be seeing the full picture yet. Maybe the answer will come tomorrow, or next month, or years from now. And even if it never comes, i can still choose to keep going.
Image is ai generated.
