People Treat You Differently When They Need You. Sometimes, you don't need anybody to tell you how they see you. Their actions will tell you.
A few months ago, a friend of mine started calling and checking on me more often. Before then, she barely called, we could go for a while without talking, so when the calls suddenly became regular, I noticed it.
I remember telling myself that something was coming. Maybe I was wrong to think that way, but I had seen this kind of thing before. Sometimes, when someone's attitude towards you suddenly changes, there is usually a reason. After some time, she eventually told me that she was having accommodation issues and asked if she could stay with me for a while.
At that point, I understood the sudden calls and checking up on me, she needed a place to stay.
And because she was my friend and I had the space to accommodate her, I allowed her to stay, i didn't do it because I was expecting anything from her. She was my friend, and she needed help. Sometimes, when someone close to you is going through a difficult situation and you can help, you simply help.
She stayed for some time, and eventually, a few weeks ago, she left.
Since she left, something has changed again. The calls have reduced, and the regular checking up has almost disappeared.
And honestly, I have barely heard from her. That part made me to start thinking. Not because I expect her to call me every day after leaving, people have their own lives, their own problems and different things they are dealing with, but when you compare how often she contacted me when she needed accommodation to how things became after she got another place, you cannot help but notice the difference.
Before she came, I could hardly hear from her, then she suddenly became very active in my life.
She needed a place to stay, so we talked more, and she stayed with me.
She has left, and now, the communication is almost back to how it was before.
Sometimes, it is these little things that make you understand certain relationships better.
It also made me realise that there is a difference between someone who needs you and someone who genuinely values you.
When someone needs you, they may suddenly become very close, they may call more often, ask how you are doing and may want to know what you are up to.
But when the need is gone, their attention can disappear with it.
And that can make you wonder whether they were actually interested in you or simply interested in what you could provide at that particular time.
I am not saying my friend deliberately used me, I don't know what is going on in her life now, and I don't want to assume her reasons for not calling, but the change in communication is something I noticed, and it made me reflect on something bigger.
Sometimes, we give people more meaning in our lives than they have given us in theirs.
You may see someone as a close friend because of the help you have given them, the conversations you have had, and the things you have done together, but maybe, to them, you are simply someone they know they can run to when they have a problem.
That realisation can be painful especially when you are the kind of person who doesn't help people with the expectation that they must pay you back.
You help because you care, make room for someone because they need somewhere to stay, listen because they have a problem, give because you can.
But somewhere inside you, you still hope that the person sees you beyond what you can do for them.
I think this is why people should pay attention to patterns, not just individual actions.
One missed call doesn't mean anything. Someone being busy for a few weeks doesn't automatically mean they don't care, but when you repeatedly notice that someone becomes very close whenever they need something and distant once the need is gone, then it is worth taking note.
You don't necessarily have to confront them, become angry or regret helping them .
For me, I would rather know that I helped someone when they genuinely needed help than regret refusing to help simply because I I'm afraid they might not appreciate me afterwards.
But I also think we should learn to manage our expectations, help people because you want to help them, not because you are expecting the relationship to become stronger afterwards.
And if the relationship becomes stronger, good and if it doesn't, at least you know where you stand.
Because sometimes, people don't come closer because they miss you, sometimes, they come closer because they need something from you, and once they get it, they quietly return to their normal lives.
That doesn't mean you were foolish for helping them. It simply means you have learnt something about the relationship
