The MINIMALIST

A Hoarding Problem

After all the years I've been contributing to the minimalist vibe here on Hive, I've got cause to write about something so awfully unminimalist as to be obscene, and, as hoarding can be, sad.

I caught up with an old, old friend that I used to hang out with in the early '90's. To say her family has money would be an understatement. I don't want to go into any details about her life as it's not so important, and I respect her privacy, so all you need to know here is that this friend has never, and will never need to, work. Her life has been quite the story, and if I could tell it here, it would be entertaining, but this story isn't to entertain you either.

I'd known this friend had a clothes shopping habit - as in, an obsession which resulted in a lot of purchases which were often gifted to friends when she had a tidy out. But I had no idea what that meant in real life.

In her lovely and very large home - five times larger than my own - she had a whole room, Imelda Marcos stylie, dedicated to shoes she couldn't and didn't wear as she is currently in a wheelchair (another story I don't want to tell) as well as a huge walk in robe full of beautiful clothes she admittedly never wore. I admired her good humour about it - I'd be depressed and in tears in her position, but we all find our strength in our hardest moments, don't we?

In another room lay many, many moving boxes, full of clothes she wanted to give away, knowing they were of no use to her anymore. It was quite brave of her to get rid of them - a mother of the bride dress she'd never wear, a pair of Hot Tuna '90's jeans she would no longer fit into (I remember her wearing these back in the day), designer jackets, beautiful designer shirts still with the tag. There were some I hoped - dreamt - I could wear, others she insisted I take so that I could pass on to my much more fashionable daughter in law with a figure that could wear anything and look beautiful.

Anything else I didn't want, she said, I could take to the charity shop - I wondered whether I could try opening a Depop account (Vinted doesn't exist in Australia), but didn't want to spit in the face of her generosity. It's what she does - accumulates clothes bought off e-bay and various online shopping retailers, and realises she has too much, and gives them away.

She knows she has a problem. She's self aware these days, more so than in her early 20's - oh - that photo of us smoking on the verandah, her so fashionable and blond with her cowboy boots and me with a god awful fringe, looking untrendy and awkwardly self conscious - and knows that it's connected to money, her family, her life. She knows she needs help. I'm glad I'm hear for an hour or two, and vow to come back and help her again. She's not an easy person to know, but she has grown softer over time, kinder, and everyone is deserved of time, and love.

I laugh and tell her about my small double hanging space in half a wardrobe - a couple of jackets, a few shirts, and lots of empty space, and my scant 'collection' of functional shoes. I'm not sure she can really, truly understand it. Maybe if you have this amount of money it's hard to even think about what it means to not have it.

I don't feel envy, though I do wish I had some nice clothes I felt good in. I'm reminded, more than anything, that having doesn't always mean happiness.

And I'm reminded how much I liked her, even if our relationship was fraught, and how I genuinely would like to spend more time with her - just hopefully no sorting out clothes.

`With Love,`

Comments · 9

@beelzael(75)· 36d
Reminds me that I really, really need to buy new shoes. I finally had one pair fixed, but the other is not fixable and worn out and I have the feeling that it's starting to hurt my feet through posture.

I'm not a fan of obsessions and addictions. Compulsory behavior is almost never beneficial. But at least she can afford it, and is apparently not buying the sweat-shop stuff made under harsh circumstances for the workers. Still, feels off.
@millycf1976(74)· 37d
I was intrigued by your post title—it sounded so out of character, which made the story even more interesting. I'm sorry to hear her life panned out that way and sorry more of her things couldn't fit with you. Selling online would be the sensible, practical choice, but sometimes it just doesn't feel worth the hassle. Your friend does sound like quite a character. :)

Thanks for your #KISS I enjoyed it 😉

^{^{lips sealed}}

^{^{speaking lips}}
@thekittygirl(74)· 37d
Sad, that she's in a wheelchair and can no longer rock the clothes & shoes as she once did. It would be good if you could get a few pieces to bolster your wardrobe, though. That dress in the pic is cute, and I can see you in it, maybe walking hand-in-hand with Jamie along the beach! 😊
@ericvancewalton(81)· 37d
I'm intrigued about the rest of her story! Sorry to hear she's so unhappy and confined to a wheelchair. Having money definitely solves some of life's problems and can easily create more/different problems and cause even more stress. Being financially independent can, for sure, make you feel a lot more isolated. That isolation and abundance of free-time/time to think can have a way of sending you down a whole lot of rabbit-holes—some healthy, some not so healthy.
@agmoore(76)· 37d
Years ago we gave my daughter a car, our 'old' car, which wasn't old at all. We were just trying to help her. It wasn't the car she wanted. She sold it, put a few of her own dollars in and bought the car she did want. My husband was put out by that decision--I was not. After all, what we wanted was to give her value, to give her reliable transportation. Once we gave the car away, we had no further interest in it.

However, if I had given her clothes to donate to a charity, and she had sold those, I would have been very upset. I would have considered that a misappropriation, an abuse of my generosity. I think it's a matter of being true to the intent of the giver.

As for buying clothes I want: My husband and I are at the stage in life where it seems we won't be outliving our money (you never know, in an uncertain world, though). If I want something, I buy it. Fortunately, there is not much I want. Example: I bought a new pair of sandals this summer because the old pair (8 years old?) were beginning to deteriorate. Problem is, I have new sandals and still have not discarded the old. Not exactly hoarding, but a bad sign :))
@honeydue(79)· 37d
Ah wow, what a story (and seems to be only the tip of the iceberg here). I wonder how often it is about money though - the people with money that I've met and that haven't got a hold on their spending often seem to be alone or to have come out of some kind of money-related trauma (such as growing up really poor). My mum has a good friend in a similar position, for whom buying stuff has, for years, been a justification for an otherwise dissatisfying life. I've passed around unused hair apparel, clothes with tags on and so on to my friends from her for many years. And while I see her trying to stop in more recent years, it also rears up the question - what else is there?

Money's a weird thing. Do you think if you had that kinda cash, you would also spend on random stuff like this? Obviously it's easy in our position to say no, I'd just use it for cool shit like travel. But who knows, really...

PS: Phew, I saw the title and I was surprised, coming from you :D

PPS: I don't know about Depop, but to me, Vinted has been a Godsend. I've paid my utilities and whatever from it for much of this year, and gotten the house a lot roomier and more tidy. And I like that I know a person will actually use it. I don't know if it'd be spitting in the face of goodwill. If it was a gift meant to help you in some way, wouldn't the money help you, and wouldn't your friend want that?
@haveyoumetellie(63)· 38d
Omg, laughing so hard. Imelda Marcos made quite an international impression. I highly suspect she founded the Crazy Rich Asians circle. Lol.

Ah, nice clothes. I remember my mom and grandma used to sew for me, but because I just liked wearing a shirt and jeans, they called it the 'homeless' style. Lol.

Kinda nice to doll up and dress fancy sometimes tho.
@hivebuzz(74)· 38d
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@coinjoe(72)· 38d
First off, it saddens me to hear about your old friends current situation that puts them in a wheelchair. It does put a smile on my face thinking of you and her possibly reminiscing about the old days. do hope you are able to spend more time together in the future.