Who gained a dog during COVID? Six years on, and I'm wondering if people will get another one when their fur baby reaches its inevitable demise (because dogs, like men and gods, also must die) or whether they will immediately rush out to buy another.

My friend housesits and looks after a dachshund called Sausage.

Back in the day dogs were mutts - the product of inbreeding, where someone's blue heeler got stuck to another's collie, resulting in some interesting psychology. Someone had a part dingo that ate their dope if they left it on the table. Dogs were acquired for free from unwanted litters or dirt cheap from farms. I had a runt of a collie cross when I was a kid, from a farm a few hours away, found in the Trading Post. My son's own dog was a schnauzer kelpie cross, or a schnelpie, because we love a doggie portmanteau. She can barely see out of her eyebrows or her neuroses but we love her anyway.

Now dogs all seem part poodle, catering for people's allergies and desires for - well, a cute groodle. They're paraded down the beach, have terrible recall, and are taken along everywhere, from cafes where doggy bowls are tripped over by kids and dog toy libraries are screwed to poles in an attempt at doggy humour: take one stick, leave a stick, but are often filled with saliva soggy balls and sandy, discarded leads.

We also seem to be a nation who takes their dogs to shop for screws, paint, veggie seedlings and light bulbs.

Gone are the days where we left them at home, or in the ute, or a window wound down. Nope. Now the little furry fuckers are paraded through the mega DIY store Bunnings. They sit in trolleys looking flummoxed or protect their own in the screw aisle, staring you down menacingly (as what happened to me when one growled at me the other day).

Edie, my son's Schnelpie - a COVID dog.

When did we move from dogs as pets that lived outside to dogs that were given the same rights as us?

Forgive me - perhaps I'm barking up the wrong tree here, because animals should have the same rights as us. They should be treated with kindness and love, but whether that extends to Bunnings, I am not sure. Sometimes doggy rights can infringe on our rights, like the right to move through a store looking for sandpaper and seaweed fertiliser without stepping around someone's dog.

Or, being bitten, as what happened to a toddler last week. A Rottweiler, which was subsequently put down.

Some online were quick to argue that the toddler must have been doing something to deserve it. I suppose they would also argue that some wives deserve it too. Like men, some dogs are worse than mutts - they have issues and cannot control themselves, or be trusted.

Others argue their dogs love going to Bunnings. They also love going for walks on the beach, fucking in public, rolling in fox shit, and sniffing crotches. On a scale of loved outings, I'm sure it's not being trolleyed around Bunnings. And if they have separation anxiety, as owners often will say, perhaps that is also a training issue. Poor COVID dogs were never left alone. Your dog is not going to die if it doesn't go to choose its own dog toys with you.

My sister-in-law's rescue collie, Willow

Some people argue that kids are worse. I can unequivocally say that I avoid Bunnings on school holidays lest I be bowled over by a 4 year old princess in a tutu careening a mini trolley through the tools aisle.

I've also read that staff have to deal with dog shit in the aisles and being growled at by dogs. I certainly would think it's a safety issue, even if your dog is a canine angel - I'm sure the owner of the Rottweiler thought peanut butter wouldn't stick in its mouth until it had its teeth wrapped around a tiny foot.

I adore dogs. They are better than humans. But they don't need to be shopping companions. They don't need to find screws for their new woofs or bark for their gardens. Call me a grumpy old mongrel if you like, but I would be happy if Bunnings banned dogs from their stores.

With Love,