Have you ever noticed how people can take one small thing you do and use it to develop an entire theory about your personality? You can be on your own and someone has concluded that you are arrogant, heartless, emotionally unavailable, or possibly a government experiment designed to test human emotions. For me it was that i was emotionally unavailable or rather say, i found myself in a situation where someone thought I was nonchalant. Apparently, my ability to remain calm and not react dramatically to everything was enough evidence to convince them that I didn't care about anything. According to their investigation(Lol!), I was the kind of person who could watch the world fall apart and simply ask whether anybody had seen my charger.
The thing is that I didnt even know I was being assessed for this position. Nobody gave me an application form, there was no interview, and I certainly didn't agree to become the ambassador of nonchalance. Yet somehow, I had been given the title without my consent. I think people sometimes expect everyone to express their feelings in the same way that they do(if that makes sense) If something happens, they expect you to be visibly upset. If somebody annoys you, they expect a dramatic reaction. But what happens when you don't do any of those things? Apparently, you don't care.
Meanwhile, some of us have simply learnt that not every situation deserves our energy. Sometimes, I genuinely don't see the point in getting worked up over something I cannot change. If a problem can be solved, I would rather focus on solving it than spend all day being emotionally unavailable to my own peace of mind and if it cannot be solved immediately, what exactly am I supposed to do? Wrestle with the problem until one of us surrenders? Of course, this doesn't mean I don't care. It just means my reaction might not come with a press conference.
Imagine somebody telling me something upsetting and expecting me to immediately start behaving like the main character in a tragic movie. Sorry, but my life doesn't come with a soundtrack. Sometimes, I will listen, think about it, process it privately and carry on with my day and if i have advice to give i will give it, if not i keep quiet and remain empathetic. The absence of a dramatic reaction doesn't mean nothing happened inside my head. When I realised this person had mistaken my calmness for a lack of concern, I didn't rush to defend myself. I wasn't interested in proving that I had emotions by putting them on public display. Imagine having to submit evidence of your emotions. Exhibit A: I was worried on Tuesday. Exhibit B, I thought about the situation for four hours on Wednesday. Exhibit C, I cared deeply but unfortunately failed to look miserable enough for the prosecution. Your Honour, I rest my case.
Still, I won't pretend the assumption didn't bother me. It is frustrating when someone interprets your behaviour without bothering to understand you first. Being calm doesn't mean you're careless, and not reacting immediately doesn't mean something is unimportant to you. Sometimes, people simply have different ways of handling things but with regards to this person after some deep thought i had a one on one with them and i explained myself because i really really believe in communication. My conclusion is that people will sometimes interpret your behaviour through their own expectations, and you cannot always control that. I can care about something without announcing it to the world.
So, if you ever see me remaining calm while everything around me is happening, please don't immediately assume I don't care. There is a possibility that I am concerned, thinking through the situation, or simply refusing to let it consume me. Either way, please allow me to finish my day in peace. 😂
