Reflections

Eyes of the Lonely

One in Five.

While there are slight fluctuations either side, that is the global estimate of those who are very or fairly lonely. Young people are more likely to be lonely than older people, and those in lower-income brackets and lower-income nations experience more loneliness than those at the other end of the scale. The World Health Organisation sees loneliness and social isolation as a pressing global health issue and 870,000 deaths are tied to loneliness each year.

Loneliness raises the risk of coronary artery disease and stroke, increases the chance of developing dementia in older adults, and elevates the risk of heart disease and diabetes. It triggers anxiety, depression, and faster cognitive decline. And estimates puts early death from loneliness on par with smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Only the Lonely.

It is quite a problem, considering that we are "more connected" than we have ever been, yet we have created an environment, culture, and mindset that has disconnected us from each other. Instead of building stronger relationships and communities, we have developed social anxieties and excuses as to why we are unable to interact, unable to learn, unable to overcome our discomforts. We protect ourselves, keep ourselves safe from having to do what we might not enjoy, to our own detriment as individuals and a species. And the interaction we do have with others, is shallowing, becoming more performative, more transactional, less personal.

Many are turning to artificial intelligence for conversation and friendship, as it is far easier to have a robot tell you what you want to hear, then go through the process of developing a depth of relationship along a road where there is a high probability of hearing what doesn't want to be heard. Even now, as you read this, you might be pushing back against it saying that you do not avoid social discomfort, but is that really the case, or are you just making an excuse to ease your own situation. Euphemising our lives to soften the blow of reality.

Loneliness is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy perhaps, as the people who are lonely, don't tend to admit it openly. Instead, they become more isolated, more disconnected, more insulated from others, and will often tell themselves a story that it is "just the way they are" and there is nothing that an be done. But, how did the genetically lonely handle life a few decades ago? How did they survive? How is it that suddenly in the context of our evolution, we have become socially inept? Is it really genetic, or is it a conditioned state we have come to identify with?

Open Eyes.

I think it is pretty clear, that what we are experiencing is environmental. It is our exposure, our conditioning and our constant avoidance that exacerbates the problems we face. Yes, there have always been a range of personalities and some are more socially adept than others, more comfortable, but rather than learning to cope, learning to overcome, learning to improve - we have built bubbles to protect ourselves. We can avoid interaction to an incredibly high degree today, and many do.

How many of those avoiding, are one out of the five?

Technology has been a big driver of loneliness, as people are able to disconnect from others and their surroundings nearly altogether. We can put in some earbuds and stare at a screen, immersed in a comfortable world of fantasy that delivers what we want, when we want it, the way we like it. And whenever that twinge of loneliness appears, we double-down on the escape, which is also a large part of the cause. We drink the sickness, hoping it will make us better.

While technology has created this divide, perhaps it is also going to be the saviour that bridges it. Where we become less and less capable to deliver work of value in a professional sense, we will seek other ways to add value, to feel relevant, and generate meaning. There are very few ways to do so in a human context, developing relationships is the key method.

But, I think that there is going to be far more pain before things start to improve, because most of us are blind to the reality, buried in our escapism. It is like the temperature rising to the point of discomfort, while sitting in air-conditioning - It isn't until exiting the bubble that the truth of the conditions are felt. Will we emerge from our stupor too late?

For many, it will be too late.

But that doesn't have to be the outcome for all of us, as it isn't hard to change the direction for an individual. All it takes is a willingness to reach out to others and be uncomfortable. To be open to new experience, to listening to alternatives, to accepting that not everything is ideal, no one is perfect, and it is still better than being alone.

It is no one's responsibility to include any of us.

Taraz [ Gen1: Hive ]

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Comments · 6

@avataraang1(60)· 2h
AI might actually make loneliness worse. Why struggle through an awkward conversation with a real person when you can talk to something that never disagrees with you?, i was talking to a friend and asked if she talks to chatgpt and she said "a whole lot" cos chatgpt, doesnt judge, wont spill your secrets and will tell you how it s without recourse to your feelings.
@toluwanispecial(71)· 2h
Loneliness is real and it is often cause by our inability to interact with other people. To some people who believe in class may not necessarily want to discuss anything with those that are below them and I believe this happen everywhere as it is not limited a region or locality. There are a lot of factors is responsible for those and I can say that it is not that rampant in African because of the way our communities is built although recently it has changed significantly with the advent of technology and shift in the social class. Like you said a lot of people believe make social media their safe haven where they get whatever comfort they believe in.
@fieryfootprints(74)· 2h

While there are slight fluctuations either side, that is the global estimate of those who are very or fairly lonely.

I saw a weird post on facebook today. It said that thousands of lithuanians will get mailed questions about why they are choosing not to have children. Personally I think that this each person's busniness and no one has right to question that choice. Also some of comments under that post already pointed some quite strong reasons. Like that the news keeps talking about war.
@alonicus(72)· 3h
This is a deep one ! I wonder if the problem is too much technology, too many choices, too many distractions, and just too many people. We weren't evolved to live in a world like this.

Humans evolved to live in villages, extended families and small tribes. Each person knew maybe a hundred others, and that's all they'd ever know. With that level of society, we learned how to get along, we couldn't just log into a new community if we fell out with someone. We knew we had to get along in order to make society function, the crops come in, and for everyone to stay safe. But we knew each person intimately, and saw them face-to-face to be able to read their moods and body language. Perhaps we'd be better off reverting to smaller groups instead of nations of millions and global "communities" of people who never meet face to face.
@owasco(73)· 3h
I love that photograph!

we have built bubbles to protect ourselves.

We have been systematically conditioned to fear other humans. A woman who thinks child-rearing is a woman's role in society threatens the social order. The dude next door, who loves his firearms, could be a mass murderer. Covid brought a slew more fears: a handshake might just transmit a deadly disease, a person who sneezes in public could be a granny killer.

Meanwhile, the real threats to our well-beings are brought to us by methods presented as protective, vaccination chief among these. When I hear the word "protect" used in the mouths of government agents or agencies, I shudder.
@bozz(83)· 3h
I think we do bring a lot of it on ourselves, but I also think it has to do with tolerance. I just don't think many of us have as much capacity for it as we used to. I also think part of that ties back to people just refusing to grow up and be functional adults. I know many people I just don't want to be social with anymore because I have moved to a different phase of my life.