Do we all have insecurities?
We aren't born with emotional insecurity, rather we collect them over time through our experiences all the way through life. But is it possible for someone to somehow miss having insecurities altogether through the way they are raised, or overcome them so those that did develop are removed again. Would it even be desirable to have no emotional insecurity, or would that extreme also hold us back in the same way having insecurities can?
I have plenty of insecurities.
I suspect.
But I assume that many of them are hiding until triggered, a trap in waiting, a vulnerability. Many say that we should learn to be vulnerable as it is healthy, but I often find myself questioning this when people are constantly making themselves vulnerable by putting themselves in the role of the eternal victim. I don't think that is healthy vulnerability but rather a losing strategy to try and build social capital by targeting sympathy mechanisms. The problem is, that it is very much like the boy who cried wolf where eventually, no one cares.
But the real insecurities lay there dormant, waiting to be awoken by some event, some situation, some word or some look that brings them to the surface to remind us of some time where we couldn't, where we were ridiculed, where we were neglected - and forces a reaction. Is it anger, guilt, shame, inaction?
Is insecurity the cause of the worst of us?
I don't know. What I do know is that my own childhood was the root of a lot of problems, including various insecurities that have plagued me throughout adulthood. While the past is always behind, the future is forever impacted by it. How it is impacted, how it plays out, well that is still up in the air. The other thing I know is that I don't want to burden my own daughter in the same way as I was, which means I have to revisit the past, learn from it, and do better going forward.
I struggle with this daily.
I used to think I was able to get out of my childhood unscathed, but over time and through experience I have realised that I was more affected than I wanted to acknowledge. Not only that, I have also come to realise that some of the events that I brushed aside in order to deal with other things, still had an impact on me. Events compound, even if we don't realise what all the multipliers are.
While I am not some broken and fragile little bird, I also have to accept that I am also not able to face everything at the same time, or alone. Through much of my life I have had to rely on myself without a safety net, which has also made it hard to put any weight on others, but this has also put weight on others close to me, when I can't handle all I need to face, or when those insecurities rear their ugly heads as a reminder that I haven't healed them all.
Will they ever be healed completely?
Unlikely.
But that is besides the point. Life is about the actions we take, the moves we make, the impacts we create - it isn't about spending all of our time looking into the past in order to make ourselves feel better. I believe that while there is some value in that, the most cathartic approach is to work out what needs to be done, and then do it. And when those insecurities arise, acknowledge them, and then keep on doing what needs to be done.
Insecurity is just a feeling.
It doesn't have to hold us back from healthy action.
Taraz [ Gen1: Hive ]
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