Have you ever felt so scared of starting all over again, especially after a huge disappointment in your career, relationship, business and life? That's one fear I have had to face, and it hasn't been such an easy one for me. The kind of fear that makes you begin to think of the time you had hope, made efforts to succeed, invested your time , finance and emotion into something, and you find yourself thinking of how to start all over. It's usually a very scary phase in life. The joy of feeling like you have finally figured everything out, moving to a particular direction and, to your greatest surprise, the harsh reality of starting all over again hits you without empathy. At that point, you feel lost and wish the outcome was exactly how you expected it to be, but life always has an unforeseen plan.
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The hardest part isn't usually the disappointment or the pain it brings, but the thought of how to start over and begin with again. It's at that point that I begin to think of my efforts, time and every resource I put to make everything work and begin to believe they are just a waste of time, effort and resources. And at this point, I begin to ask myself if I can even go through such a process again or just focus on something else with the same energy. I will be scared of failing again, the fear of feeling disappointed over again and afraid I might not get it right again.
At some point, fear will make me feel being on my own and protecting myself is safer. I just want to be in control of what I can, while trying to avoid disappointment, but I finally realized that running away because of fear is only going to keep me stuck in a place. The past is already gone, I can't rewrite the past but can rewrite what will happen in the future and this realization began a defining moment in my life, and I'm glad I realized myself.
I took the decision to start over again. The outcome is definitely what I'm not sure of, but I have to be courageous enough to face my fears this time, beginning to take baby steps, utilize my previous mistakes until I believe I'm fully ready. Now I am beginning to realize that starting all over is also an opportunity to be better. This time, I started with a better understanding, experience and lessons that guided my decisions and path.I learnt something valuable from every step I take.
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It wasn't so easy for me at first, because there were moments fear returned, however I had to be courageous and build confidence on my own . I also realized that courage doesn't always work without fear, to be courageous is simply moving forward regardless of the feeling of fear. I just have to keep moving and overcoming my fears, the journey isn't immediately easy, life itself isn't always a bed of roses. Now I have learnt to be more resilient, courageous and not attach my entire worth to an outcome that I couldn't control. Sometimes, starting all over again brings opportunity and can also be the beginning of something better than what was lost.
Yes, I have overcome the fear, even though I get nervous, especially when things feel really overwhelming, but my decisions are no longer controlled by fear and if life ever requires me to start over again, I would be able to do it because it's never the end of the journey.
Now I understand that sometimes, the bravest thing we can do in life is to pick ourselves up, because nobody will do that for us, we take another step, and also believe that better days are still ahead of us.
