Families are important to us in this part of the world, and when we talk about family, it's not only about blood relationships or immediate family; it extends to extended families such as our uncles, aunties, and grandparents. These relationships are usually built on love, care, communication, respect, reciprocity, support, and forgiveness, among many other things. A lot of people have good relationships with their uncles and aunties, but not everyone does, and there are reasons for that. I remember while growing up I used to watch movies where characters had great uncles and aunts who spoiled them with gifts, cash, and the like, but that doesn't seem to be always the case in the real world, and today I'd be talking about the relationship I've had with my uncles and aunts.
To start with, it's worth knowing that I've got a lot of uncles and aunties due to the large nature of our extended family, which includes those from my dad's and mother's side. And I actually ought to have a good relationship with these people because I actually grew up with my grandparents from my dad's side, and while staying with them, I got the opportunity to live and grew up knowing my uncles and aunties well enough more than my parents at the time; however, despite that type of setting, it isn't surprising that I don't have a good relationship with the majority of them, and it's as a result of how they treated me when I was younger.
On a normal significant level, given the number of years we've spent together, I ought to be closer to them than my parents, because to date I've never spent a full month together with my parents under the same roof, but I've gotten to stay with them for years, and I must say most of their behavior is nothing to write home about, and that's probably because most of them don't even dare to want a relationship with me now that I'm grown, knowing what they did. Some would rather send their kids to me just to avoid asking me for things themselves out of shame for how they treated me back.
For these reasons and many others, I didn't have a good relationship with them, and the truth is that knowing their nature from a tender age helped me to have a zero dependency tendency, knowing fully well that I can't rely on them for something and expect them to do it. It's surprising that now that I'm grown, some would even approach me asking for help, and I can't help wondering if they've got no shame, that they're approaching someone they ought to be helping, and two, that they've got no shame and no memory to remember the terrible things they did to me back then. Well, like I said, not all my aunties and uncles are like that, and the one who was good to me even while disciplining me, I know it's from the place of love, and with this particular aunt we're still close, and I'd go to lengths for her sake.
Do I want my children to have the same kind of experience I had with my uncles and aunties? Definitely not, but would I stop them from having a relationship with their own aunts and uncles who are my siblings and their mothers' siblings? Of course not. I'd like them to have a good relationship with them, since I know they're good individuals who won't do them any wrong, besides I won't want to force my own take on them just because I don't like one person or another. After all, even though my parents might have a different opinion about their own siblings, I didn't let them be my yardsticks towards judging them. I faced reality myself and let our interactions be the judge that helped me conclude how I'll interact with them going forward.
Family is meant to be close and bond together, but that doesn't mean that because you're family with someone, then you should tolerate their disrespect, unhealthy behavior, treatment, and manipulation. In the end I believe we should move and respect everyone, including our extended families, but we must still maintain appropriate boundaries.
All photos are mine.
