That morning, I woke up feeling unusually confident and active. I had taken my time and the previous evening to myself, planning things out and assuring myself that everything will be fine, everything will work out for good. Nothing looked difficult. I had gone through everything, did everything that was needed to get done, and there was no reason to panic that the day would go sideways or differently. I left my house with the type of confidence I woke up with, believing I had things under control and already planned out the way I wanted it to be.
The whole situation had totally taken another dimension by the time I arrived. The person I was expecting was not there, and what I had planned for will no longer be working because the information will not be needed anymore. I went outside and stood there for some minutes, going through my phone like I had a second option and someone who was expecting a message that could change everything back to what I wanted. But it was nothing. I tried calling over and over, but it was not reachable. At first, I got a bit confused, then irritated. The evening before, I strategised and planned my fixed day around something that, apparently, has not for one been as certain as I imagined and pictured it.
I eventually went back in, looked for a corner and sat while I was going through my plans. And the more I paid attention to them, the more obvious I started to see what the problem was. The evening before, I had taken my time to prepare just around the information I got but did not plan for the alternative and if the plan goes sideways. And that was so difficult for me to accept. I had taken enough time to plan out the thing I will do if everything goes according to my plan that I failed to see the other picture and plan if things did not go according to my plans.
I just sat in that corner for as long as I could because there was nothing else that I could obviously do. I saw people come and go while I was still there, trying not to make what I just experienced look bigger in my head than it already is. At some point, I had to put my phone aside. I directed my focus to something else instead. People continued with their day; people came and left; cars came and left. But the world and activities kept on going; nothing has stopped because my plans have failed.
It was way less complicated than I imagined when I finally got the explanation. Something had happened, and no one had planned to disappoint me. Still, that did not change the effect it already had on my plan for the day. I composed myself and began to think of what my next option can be. It was not the day I had expected, and there was no way to turn it back into one.
Going back home later, I began to think about how assured and confident I had felt that morning. The confidence has already disappeared, and I felt so strange. The only mistake I made was that I thought my preparation was enough control, and I saw the bigger picture when I entered the building and saw what was out of my control, and I could not fix it because I did not plan for it.
At that moment, I was almost blank, did not become wiser, and did not have any conclusions waiting for me. I got to realise that my plans will not always go as planned. Things can definitely change. I am not always in control of what happens in the outside world. All these things were uncomfortable and did not sit well with me at first, but in the long run, they stayed with me after I took deep thoughts about the whole situation.
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