So, it was movie night. Or movie afternoon and yours truly said, “Why don’t we watch a horror movie?” Anyone and everyone knows that I wouldn’t watch a horror movie if you threatened to beat me with a stick. But there’s this one I’d seen a lot of people talk about. Plus it’d been far too long since I humoured myself with a horror film. After a quick disclaimer to my movie partner that no scratches, spontaneous bites, or shrieks should be taken personally, we began the movie that many of us already know.
Abigail (2024)
"Abigail" is an American horror/thriller film of about an hour and forty-nine minutes. It stars Alisha Weir who plays the role of Abigail and other renowned actors like Melissa Barrera and Giancarlo Esposito, among others. It was directed by Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett from the screenplay written by Stephen Shields and Guy Busick.
Summary of The Plot
The movie is about a group of highly skilled and recommended kidnappers who have been recruited to kidnap the twelve-year-old girl of a renowned and powerful underworld figure with a whopping fifty million dollars as the prospective ransom. After the job is successfully completed, what with taking the girl to a creepy mansion in the middle of the woods, their cell phones are taken, and they are ordered to guard the girl chained upstairs for the next twenty-four hours. Will they be able to complete the job and remain alive within the timeframe, with the level of mysterious and macabre things occurring in the mansion?
My Review and Rating
I hate giving spoilers, but I feel it’s necessary at this point in time to give all the spoilers I possibly can because I find it hard to believe the things I witnessed in the movie. I’ll start by saying that if you gave this movie a rating of more than one or two stars, you had to be paid, and you cannot convince me otherwise. You would have to be paid to give this movie that bordered on the ridiculous something good because what in the world did I witness?
I’d like to begin by saying that the movie started well. As a prospective crime movie, I was like, “Okay, this is good. A group of criminals, with one supposedly empathetic one thrown in the middle, kidnaps a sweet, unsuspecting twelve-year-old ballet dancer. I feel the movie would have thrived a lot if it continued in that sphere. Trying to guard against the supposedly invincible underworld demigod that is her father from taking her back and killing them in the process. But it degenerated quickly to become one of the worst horror films I’ve ever seen that should be a comedy at best.
First off, the immediate profiling we were given about these criminals was that they came “highly recommended.” That would mean that they were extremely skilled and somewhat stars in their individual fields, right? So tell me why these highly recommended criminals that should be the epitome of professionalism begin flouting all the rules they were given as soon as they were given? Drinking, wandering aimlessly, getting distracted by TV, revealing themselves... Things that they were specifically asked not to do.
Then there’s Joey, the profiler who goes about telling everyone to the tee who they are just by merely looking at their faces. I found that incredibly comical and impossible. But then again I thought, there must be a point to this. I mean we just spent ten minutes on this scene alone, so there’s obviously going to be a part where this amazing profiling skill of hers would save them in a way. Unfortunately, that was the end making the whole archetype character farce fall flat.
Once the person who goes about killing the team of criminals one by one is revealed to be Abigail, the movie immediately falls flat. The plot becomes the customary horror cliché that everyone is used to. Wandering aimlessly and thus getting killed, splitting up...Splitting up???? To supposedly find ways to kill a vampire that is currently on the loose and killing everyone? Make it make sense. I literally rolled my eyes when people kept dying, and someone kept coming up with the bright idea that they should split up.
The discrepancies in the plot just left me confused and astounded. So the person who wanted Abigail dead was actually Lambert, the guy who recruited them and who is, by the way, also a vampire. He claims to have issues eliminating the girl and seeks their help, but when she is knocked out and he is in the control room where he can immediately open a window or something and eliminate her, he doesn’t, and dies unceremoniously.
One of the team members who he just turned into a vampire, however, seems to have no problem doing that. And suddenly the powerful and age-old Abigail claims she needs help killing the new vampire and that she can’t do it alone. She goes from a menacing killer machine to a meek, sympathetic girl, and I’m left wondering what I missed.
Let me not forget to add that a normal human is thrown from wall to wall, has her head smashed several times, and even gets a stake in her shoulder that comes out from her back and somehow, she’s not knocked out and able to walk and even assists in killing the new villain in the story. From where to where, please? The invincible Kristof Lazaar makes an appearance in the end and just by a few words by the daughter we were told in the beginning that he didn’t care about, he lets the last remaining human go. Scot-free, with the knowledge of his identity and all of that. At this point, I was guffawing and turned to my movie partner who honestly couldn’t believe his eyes.
There were a lot more silly things in the movie, including the unnecessary gore and the soppy speech by Abigail that stated who each criminal was and why they did what they did. All of that was flat, cliché, and needless. Plus the trailer. I, as a rule, wouldn’t watch a trailer till I’m done with the movie. When we watched the thriller, I immediately wondered, why did they bother acting out the full film since they practically revealed everything in the trailer? I mean why would you reveal that the girl is a vampire in the trailer and then start the movie with everyone wondering who the killer was?
Hmmm.... again, you guys had to be paid to leave a great review for this farce of a film. 3.5/10 stars from me, and that’s because I think Alisha Weir (Abigail) is a great actress and just needs a good script to bring her skills to life.
Jhymi🖤
Thumbnail from IMDB
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