Valerian is a beautiful mess.
Luc Besson made the cult-classic The Fifth Element. We had hoped that he would capture some of that magic with Valerian and the City of a Thousand Worlds.
He did not.
Written and directed by Luc Besson of Fifth Element and The Professional fame, the movie is based on the graphic novel Valerian and Laureline.
Space in the Future
In the 28th century The space station Alpha began 800 years previously with the International Space Station, and over the decades and centuries we added to the station as more and more alien life forms were contacted, and subsequently joined the station.
The movie begins on the picturesque world where everything is perfect. Pearls are harvested daily and then multiplied by their converter species, a small species that is a combination of a lizard and a guinea pig. Feed this animal anything and in a few minutes they will excrete exact copies of anything they are feed. Quite a useful talent, when you think about it.
Then out of the skies come numerous spaceships, crashing from a space battle above the atmosphere. The creatures somehow know enough to hid in a crashed spaceship, but the princess is locked outside—because you know the door knob to the spaceship broke, therefore dies in front of her family.
Valerian is awoken when the princess from the planet dies. And up until now the movie is working. Then Valerian, played by Dane DeHaan, opens his mouth and the movie falls apart. Dane is not right for this part, he too callow and physically small to play this part.
Valerian is a special agent for the government, think James Bond in the future. And for whatever reason, James Bond, excuse me, Valerian, has a female partner. But from the moment we meet Valerian he professes his love for Laureline. And he does by proposing marriage. And this isn’t the romantic sort of love. I mean it is the pushy, desperate high school sort of love, that you think works on females, but actually doesn’t. And for some reason constantly reminding her that he has proposed to her seems to take up 75% of his dialog. Luckily, his romance skills are interrupted when their boss, Defense Minister, played by none other than Jazz Legend, Herbie Hancock. The jazz legend in space.
Okay, sorry, I got stuck on the silly romance.
The opening action scene is quite something. Valerian and Laureline are sent to a world with literally the universe's biggest mall, over a million stores we are told. It’s so big that it actually exists in another dimension. Yet, you travel to this desert planet to get it. His goal is to capture the last remaining converter species that survived the destruction of the planet at the beginning of the movie.
The remaining plot is a mess.
It consists of the space station Alpha, the city of a thousands worlds, has a major problem. There is a major radioactive area in the center of the station, and it’s growing, and no one can get to it.
Enter Commander Filitt, played by Clive Owen, complete with his own programmed battle robots, gee I wonder if those will come into play at some point, to solve the problem of the growing radioactivity.
As the plot moves forward to the center of the station, Valerian and Laureline are separated. Which brings us the most interesting characters Jolly the Pimp, played by Ethan Hawke, and Bubble, played by Rihanna. Ethan Hawke is not on screen that long, but he is way more interesting than any other character in the movie. Rihanna gives an amazing dance routine as shape shifting Bubble. Don’t let the casting fool you, Rihanna is a good actress and does this part justice.
I’m not going to give away the end, but the plot is such a mess that there is a five minute expository at the end given by different characters of what happened.
The movie is beautiful to look at. The world created by Besson is deep and there is a lot to explore. But unfortunately the plot is a mess and the dialog is terrible. If there is a sequel, here’s to hoping someone else writes the words.
My recommendation is to Netflix this, save your money.
