A big community greeting, here is a review of the movie "Jesus Christ the Vampire Hunter", showing you some curiosities and remarkable phrases after its viewing:
In the city of Ottawa in Canada, lesbians are being killed and the Catholic Church is running out of these parishioners, so two priests, one of them a punk, decide to contact the only one who can help them: Jesus Christ!.The priests arrive at the beach where Jesus is baptizing a woman, they ask for help but a trio of vampires arrive. There, in a fight with exaggerated sounds, as if we were watching a badly synchronized Chinese movie, the two priests die, but not before having blessed the waters of the sea, it is then when Jesus Christ throws these beings into the sea writhing themselves in pain.
Jesus Christ gets on the blue Vespa motorcycle of the dead priests and goes to the city, where he cuts his hair and beard, then pierces both ears. He sings, dances and performs miracles in the street, wearing Adidas shoes. He meets Father Eustacio who gets him a room to live in, and shows him pictures of vampire leaders Maxine Schreck and Jonny Golgota.The atheists attack Jesus who went to buy wood to make stakes, he defeats them with his Kung Fu without contact, note that it is difficult to count the number of beings that come out of the van that transports them. After his victory he walks down the street strutting his stuff.
Upon arriving at the room he meets Mary Magnum, who after attacking him tells him that she is not a vampire and then in a conversation inside a Jacussi, reveals to him that she fights against vampirism which can be caused by a bacteria, a virus or a fungus. Mary Magnum takes Jesus to a clothing store to get a makeover and as they leave the store they chase Maxine Schreck into a building, they enter from a sewer into an air conditioning duct and manage to find Dr. Pretorius' lab, who is experimenting with lesbian skin and conversing with Maxine Schreck and Jonny Golgota, (who has a T-shirt alluding to the death of Superman), there Doctor Pretorius asks Maxine Schreck and Jonny Golgota for another lesbian, so they decide to go to the Lesbian Club, where they massacre the women they find in their path.
In a new fight, Maria Magnum is bitten and turned into a vampire, so Jesus is left alone and wounded, he asks for help and is helped by a transvestite, (since a policeman and a priest did not help him). He prepares for a new fight making stakes, and in a restaurant God appears to him in the form of ice cream with cherries, sends him greetings from his mother and tells him that he will send him help. The Virgin Mary in the form of a luminous lamp talks to Jesus Christ and tells him of her sympathy towards lesbians.
Santos, an overweight Mexican wrestler with a very ugly mask, appears with his manager (who is groped in the ass whenever he appears). Later, Jesus and Santos face a horde of vampires, at the Dominion Bar, and there they use all sorts of strategies to defeat them using: dildo-shaped stakes, target darts, garlic breath after eating a shawarma, blessed beer, broom handles, chair legs and even toothpicks.
Shortly thereafter, the mad scientist, Dr. Pretorius, appears and uses the intestines of a corpse against Jesus by manipulating them like nunchucks. Jesus slits his throat but then cures and forgives him, Dr. Pretorius runs and eats the corpse's heart attacking Jesus Christ again, who beats him again. At the same time, Jesus Christ (if he can be in several places at the same time), and Santos are subdued, Father Eustacio appears again, (turned into a vampire), nailing Jesus Christ with a wooden stake, which he manages to remove from his body, suddenly it becomes night and through the hole made in his body emanates the divine light that annihilates the vampires. Jesus Christ performs the miracle of saving a vampire with whom Santos falls in love and who is bisexual, also saves Mary Magnum, who in turn asks him to save her true love Maxine Schreck.
Curiosidades:
Maxine Schreck, es un nombre que homenajea a Max Schreck, el protagonista de la película original de 1922 Nosferatu, (existe una leyenda que dice que Schreck era un verdadero vampiro).
Jhonny Golgota, el apellido alude al lugar donde crucificaron a Jesús.
Sacerdotes bendiciendo agua de mar: el agua bendita produce quemaduras dolorosas a los vampiros.
La piel de las lesbianas es lo que les permite a los vampiros caminar a la luz del día. Mary Magnum, hace referencia a María Magdalena.
Un crucifijo gira al cambiar la escena: igual que en la serie de tv de Batman en la que sucedía lo mismo con su logotipo.
El Dr.Pretorius, es el creador de la Novia de Frankenstein en la película del mismo nombre. En una escena Pretorius come el corazón de un cadáver y todo se ve falso , hace recordar a la película "Festín de Sangre" de Hershell Gordon Lewis.
Jimmy el leproso es el cantante en el Bar: hace alusión a los leprosos que curaba Jesús, y en la canción que presenta con onomatopeyas nombra a Obi Wan Kenobi y a Chewaca.
Milagros de Jesús Cristo: revive a los muertos, convierte a los vampiros y ateos en cristianos, multiplica la bebida del té, está en varios lugares a la vez.
Dominión es un término referido a la teología del dominio en donde los cristianos buscan fundar una nación basada en sus propias reglas.
Jesús Cristo después de su victoria al pelear con los ateos camina en la calle como John Travolta en la película "Fiebre del Sábado por la Noche".
La película fue filmada a propósito con una cámara de 16milimetros lo que le da una apariencia muy ochentera.
Hay escenas post crédito en la película, casi todas de errores cometidos, pero llama la atención la última en la cual el travestí trata con cariño en exceso a un Jesús Cristo Dormido.
Todos los títulos finales se imprimieron sobre cartón y fueron filmados posteriormente.
Curiosities:
Maxine Schreck, is a name that pays homage to Max Schreck, the protagonist of the original 1922 film Nosferatu, (there is a legend that says that Schreck was a real vampire).
Jhonny Golgota, the surname alludes to the place where Jesus was crucified.
Priests blessing sea water: holy water causes painful burns to vampires.
The skin of lesbians is what allows vampires to walk in daylight.
Mary Magnum, a reference to Mary Magdalene.
A crucifix rotates when the scene changes: just like in the Batman TV series where the same thing happened with its logo.
Dr. Pretorius is the creator of the Bride of Frankenstein in the movie of the same name. In one scene Pretorius eats the heart of a corpse and everything looks fake, reminiscent of the movie "Blood Feast" by Hershell Gordon Lewis.
Jimmy the leper is the singer in the Bar: he alludes to the lepers that Jesus cured, and in the song he introduces with onomatopoeias he names Obi Wan Kenobi and Chewaca.
Miracles of Jesus Christ: revives the dead, turns vampires and atheists into Christians, multiplies the tea drink, is in several places at once.
Dominion is a term referring to the theology of dominion where Christians seek to found a nation based on their own rules.
Jesus Christ after his victory in fighting the atheists walks down the street like John Travolta in the movie "Saturday Night Fever". The film was purposely shot with a 16-millimeter camera which gives it a very eighties look.
There are post-credit scenes in the film, almost all of which are mistakes made, but the last one in which the transvestite treats a sleeping Jesus Christ with excessive affection is striking.
All the end titles were printed on cardboard and filmed afterwards.
Frases memorables dichas por Jesús Cristo en la película:
- Cuando pelea con las vampiras se toca el pecho con las manos y dice "El cuerpo de Cristo".
- "Yo estoy en todas partes", cuando ataca al Doctor Pretorius y simultáneamente en otra locación pelea con los vampiros.
- "Que empiecen las conversiones", cuando es atacado por los vampiros ateos.
- "Si en 5 minutos no he vuelto, llama al papá", le dice a Mary Magnum cuando se mete en una alcantarilla.
- "Y al séptimo día descanso", le dice Jesús al doctor Pretorius al sentarse en una silla y comenzar una pelea.
Memorable phrases said by Jesus Christ in the film:
- When he fights the female vampires he touches his chest with his hands and says "The body of Christ".
- "I am everywhere", when he attacks Doctor Pretorius and simultaneously in another location fights with the vampires.
- "Let the conversions begin", when he is attacked by the atheist vampires.
- "If I'm not back in five minutes, call the daddy," he tells Mary Magnum when he crawls into a sewer.
- "And on the seventh day I rest," Jesus tells Dr. Pretorius as he sits in a chair and starts a fight.
Mi opinión. Es una película canadiense del año 2001, de bajo presupuesto, disparatada y malísima mezclando artes marciales y vampirismo, malas actuaciones, ridiculez, música horrorosa, y situaciones surreales, (por su guión demencial), lo que se llama puro cine clase Z, pero es muy divertida con mucho humor negro que maneja referencias relacionadas con el cine, la lucha libre, la televisión y la religión, por todo esto se cataloga como una película de culto. Es mucho más de lo que se ve. Disfruten esta película en compañía de amigos para que puedan burlarse de lo mala que es, como dicen por allí, es tan mala que es buena.
My opinion It is a Canadian film from 2001, low budget, crazy and very bad mixing martial arts and vampirism, bad acting, ridiculousness, horrible music, and surreal situations, (for its insane script), what is called pure Z class cinema, but it is very funny with a lot of black humor that handles references related to cinema, wrestling, television and religion, for all this it is classified as a cult film. It is much more than what you see. Enjoy this movie with friends so you can make fun of how bad it is, as they say, it's so bad it's good.
Espero que al haber compartido este contenido los motive a ver la película y que ustedes saquen sus propias conclusiones, me despido hasta otra oportunidad.
I hope that having shared this content will motivate you to watch the movie and that you will draw your own conclusions, I bid you farewell until another opportunity.
Fuente de la primera imagenFuente Source of the first imageSource
Ingles no es mi idioma materno por lo que uso el traductor DeepL English is not my mother tongue so I use the DeepL translator
