No. Nope. Nope. No. No.

Okay, I’m a sucker. I loved the Alien vs. Predator comic, from Dark Horse Comics, and the subsequent novels. I went into the first Alien versus Predator with enthusiasm which did quickly die a gruesome death. I went and saw this one anyway and watched it with growing horror at my complete lack of common sense.

It didn’t stop me from watching it again last night. I do wish I had recorded the commentary that my brother and I delivered while watching the show. That would have been great. We were entertaining and informative. In our defence, there wasn’t much else on and curiosity over how this could be so bad was endemic.

This movie is bad. The Predator ship crashes in Colorado, unleashing some xenomorphs, and a new “predalien,” on a small town. A whole bunch of people whose names I didn’t catch, or didn’t remember, fight to survive but we don’t care because we don’t get to know any of these people. Another Predator shows up to “clean up the mess,” I presume.

I say that because it is shot so dark, that half the time you are only seeing black shadows moving, and edited so strange that you can’t tell what is going on much of the time or what’s supposed to be “a moment” is cut away from. And by dark I mean, the aliens and predators are so dark, you can’t see there features, even in those shots where you are supposed to be “seeing” the terrifying visage. Just shadows. The pics here are indicative. The first AVP was bad but at least you could see the monsters when you were supposed to.

Skip it! Skip it! Skip it!

-all photos via IMDb.com.