-via IMDb.com

So I checked out Transformers: The Last Knight.

Yeah.

Where to begin?

Where indeed.

This one is all over the place. Tonally, it can't decide what it wants to be. The pacing is uneven, and that comment takes into account the weird way director Michael Bay likes to edit and move his camera.

Gone is that strange Decepticon transformation style that was introduced in the last movie, as is Galvatron, who was the reincarnated Megatron, replaced here by, um, Megatron.

There are some Dinobot cameos and baby Dinobots and they seem to disappear at some point, the whole back story of the previous four films is abandoned in favour of the back story of this film while keeping all the elements of the last films.

It's confusing so I'll try to explain but first:

SPOILER!!!

Optimus Prime gets to a half-destroyed Cybertron, meets his creator, Quintessa, whom is bringing Cybertron to Earth to drain it to rebuild Cybertron because Earth is actually Cybertron's ancient enemy Unicron. She needs Merlin's staff, he of King Arthur fame, and the only ones that can stop her is Mark Wahlberg returning as Cade Yaeger and Laura Haddock as Vivian Wembley, the last living descendent of Merlin.

Anthony Hopkins is here as an Earl of something, keeper of the secret history of the Transformers on Earth, and he has a weird steam-punkish robot butler. They seem to be in a different movie.

Anyway, I don't know what to say. Scenes end arbitrarily, it tries to be an awkward romantic comedy at one point, an action scene suddenly becomes a strange driving-around-London thing and then becomes an action scene again; something happens and then it changes and you're left wondering, "what just happened?" Characters reference things that didn't happen in the movie.

And then there's the part of me that keeps thinking wait, wasn't Quintessa the names of the planet of the Quintessons? Hot Rod makes an appearance but he has a French accent and doesn't become Rodimus Prime and, wait, Earth is Unicron?

POST CREDIT SPOILER!!!

They seem to hint that Unicron will be a problem in this setting up of a sixth movie in this franchise.

I just don't know why I keep watching these things. Something keeps pulling me back into this franchise and I keep leaving it flabbergasted.