scrobble.life
#satire

You and Only You: Announcing My New Tribe!

If you want something done right, you do it yourself!

And since I'm just like you and think I know everything, I'll just do it myself!

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I've been listening to your bitching!

So I've combined your problems into something everyone can enjoy!

I've been awake for three days and I think it's time to reveal what the voices have been saying to me for the past forty-eight hours!

We want the old way back!

My tribe will include three key features!

With more to be announced when I think of them!

Key Feature Number One: Since you don't like it when other people are on the trending page, everyone gets their own trending page!

That's right! For the first time ever, your post about those things you did yesterday and why will be a number one hit! With the push of a few buttons, you will be able to impress yourself then show all your friends and family how popular you truly are!

But that's not all!

Key Feature Number Two: Since you don't like it when other people earn money, everyone gets to buy votes!

That's right! Now you too can sit there feeling all warm and fuzzy inside with your shiny new post that makes it appear as if you are making the big bucks!

The only way you will be able to hit that top slot of your very own trending page is if you buy votes from me since that's what you like to do and I'm the one with all the money! Isn't this exciting!

You will work your ass off to the bone! Then, when you're ready and confident enough to place your work in front of yourself and feel the success you've always thought you deserved by default, you can hand over your hard earned money to me!

I will then guarantee your new post sits above your old posts so people know that post is the best thing you've ever done!

The reward pool will issue thousands upon thousands of new tokens daily and all content producers will be excited to hear the fact not only do they get to pay me, but they also get to receive a guaranteed up to 10% profit but usually about 1% for every post they produce! Everyone gets an equal share to eliminate hard feelings and jealousy!

Since I'll always own about 95% of all the tokens, you'll never have to worry about running out of votes to buy!

All you have to do is show up, work hard, pay me, then collect your participation award! Nobody gets left behind!

I know that sounds crazy but that's what you want and I'm going to be rich! If I'm rich, you're probably getting something, too! Isn't this exciting!

You see, in order to place your new post above your old junk so it looks nice and popular there in the number one slot, each post you publish will become more and more expensive! If you don't purchase your top slot, others will think the post is crap!

Since you'll be so busy congratulating yourself on a job well done every day, then hitting up the market again to buy more tokens for tomorrow, you won't even notice how I'm consistently selling! A stable market is a happy market!

All I need is about 1000 of you suckers to pad my wallet for the rest of my life! Plus you earn a little bit, too!

You won't want to sell yours though because those profits go right back in to purchasing more of my votes! Each vote will be cheaper and cheaper until you realize I have a lambo and you're still trying to get rich thinking this model is what everyone wanted and the tokens should moon any day now!

Key Feature Number Three: I will set up a bot and it will randomly select three posts from the community and then publish a post automatically, under my other name, to highlight the best of the best the community has to offer! I will do this ten times each day and vote for those posts with all of my stake I've set aside in that account so you have a chance to win more visibility!

Everyone will flock to these posts since they'll appear on the Master Trending Page and I'm the big whale around these parts so people will want to get to know me! They will come to thank me for doing a good job and then maybe see your post plus they'll think I might actually vote for them for free someday just for saying nice things!

Majority of all comments will be of a positive nature and nobody will have a reason to argue anymore!

All 44000 Blacklisted Accounts Will Receive An Airdrop!

That's right! Everyone loves second chances!

Since you were all labelled spammers, scammers, and bidbot abusers, then got added to a list, it became incredibly easy for me to find the market I feel would be the most interested in this concept, and they don't know any better!

Your first post is free and then you know where to find me when it comes time to become the successful content producer you always wanted to be!

So when you receive your airdrop, simply hand that over to me and be all you want to be, plus finally have the chance to live out your wildest dreams!

There will be no downvotes!

That's right!

You'll have total freedom to do whatever you want as long as it puts money in my bank account!

So tell your friends! Tell you family and when you do, don't forget:

helpedmom.jpeg

That's right! I helped your mom!

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**Disclaimer:** Bullshit! This entire thing, from top to bottom and everything in between was bullshit! It's even tagged as 'satire' and that's because it's bullshit! Nobody in their right mind would be able to pull off such bullshit and if you were actually interested, you need to go to the hospital and have your bullshit detector re-calibrated before you lose everything including the house, car, children, and cat. I'm not making a new tribe. I'm not airdropping any tokens. I'm not planning on scamming anyone out of anything. I just wanted to write a goddamn joke today! Again! This was **ALL BULLSHIT!**

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Credits:

Youtube video linked to source.

All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.

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All content within this blog is 100% organic ACTUAL CONTENT and contains no paid vote additives!

"The truth is stranger than fiction."

© 2019 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.

Comments · 27

  • @meesterboom(81)· 2510d

    If this is bullshit then I am in, sho me where to throw the money!

  • @arcange(79)· 2510d

    Congratulations @nonameslefttouse! Your post was mentioned in the Steem Hit Parade in the following category:

    • Comments - Ranked 1 with 90 comments
  • @organduo(73)· 2511d

    Your disclaimer ruined everything... Otherwise, I couldn't stop reading. !organduo 500

  • @justineh(72)· 2511d

    That's right! I helped your mom!

    Thank goodness, she needed some help!

    Also, you still didn’t do it right - I want a tribe where only cool people are and STEEM is worth $10.. because you know, all the cool people will actually care about the price 🙂

    I’ll come back when you get that done.. don’t take too long. Mmmkaay, thanks!! 🍪

  • @holm(68)· 2512d

    WOW! Finally a place I will fit right in! My tending page will be the best! I forgot to mention, is it possible to get on the blacklist now to get the airdrop?

    ALL ON BOARD

    Posted using Partiko Android

  • @lecumberre(76)· 2512d

    I like this new tribe...

  • @por500bolos(68)· 2512d

    All 44000 Blacklisted Accounts Will Receive An Airdrop! That's right! Everyone loves second chances!

    Sheesh @nonameslefttouse.

    After reading carefully the entire plot of this plan and cautiously dissecting the true scope of the ROI analyzing in major depth the feasibility that this tribe project would become a reality and instant success in the act, all I can say is:

    «-KLTPZYXM-»

    Nobody in their right mind would be able to pull off such bullshit...

    Ah! C'mon pal!! ¿Really? after your contagious enthusiasm describing it in such glamorous and charming detail ...now, I am not so sure!! };p

  • @mineopoly(71)· 2512d

    What you just described seemed so reminiscent of Steem 2018. Not really bullshit, just satire.

  • @slobberchops(82)· 2512d

    Hope you sent this out to the outside world.. ie Facebook / Twitter / YouTube etc.. oh and.. dont forget to remove the disclaimer for those peeps!

  • @giantbear(76)· 2512d

    You sound like an infomercial and a drug dealer all at the same time....lol!

  • @trayan(71)· 2512d

    sorry out of liquid cash to participate...

  • @tarazkp(86)· 2512d

    I have created an upvote bot for your tribe that finds plagiarized content and votes upon it and automatically sets the beneficiary of 90 percent of the payout back to the bot, which will be distributed equally to yo and myself.

    Go forth 44,000 and trawl the internet for the best you can steal and claim as your own.

  • @joshman(74)· 2512d

    Selling all my other tokens and steem because I'm going to be a whale in your tribe.

    Wait, did you mention what the hell it will be called? mytribe? yourmom?

  • @kevinli(70)· 2512d

    Thanks for helping my mom. Your tribe sounds great, when can i buy it o steem engin3 and use to earn more tokens upon no one will buy it after a month? 😯

    Posted using Partiko Android

  • @coininstant(69)· 2512d

    Sick, waiting for my blacklist drop!

  • @michealb(67)· 2512d

    hmm think mine will be better, every blogger must buy votes and curators only earn by downvoting ggole image

  • @ganjafarmer(76)· 2512d

    Hahaha!!!!! Good one. Not sure what direction is going to grow this platform now. But we will see.

    I'm liquidating my weedcash for sure.

  • @ryivhnn(73)· 2512d

    Key feature 2 was really long, kind of lost the explanation in happy ranting, which I guess makes it the perfect marketing spiel? XD

  • @stackin(78)· 2512d

    People with 0 steem power will also be able to do $100 upvotes!! Its a winner! :)

  • @beerlover(65)· 2512d



    Hey @nonameslefttouse, here is a little bit of BEER for you. Enjoy it!

  • @davedickeyyall(79)· 2512d

    I'm sending you all my money. Right now. !BEER

  • @artisticscreech(65)· 2512d

    Can I pay you with pennies? If so, I'm super down for this. My personal trending page is going to be amazing.

    It's kind of strange that so many are crying about the loss of that old system. Aside from the price of Steem, things seem better now than they have been since I got here.

    I feel like the picture at the bottom should read "I licked your mom". It still functions as the same insult as "I fucked your mom" but it's way more creepy which makes it impactful.

  • @preparedwombat(79)· 2512d

    I hope you’re planning on 10,000% inflation. You’re going to need a lot of those to distribute.

  • @enjoywithtroy(71)· 2512d

    Damn that is funny. Entertainment at it's best and bullshit at no extra charge. LOL

  • @flemingfarm(81)· 2512d

    Your selfless righteousness is a glowing example for the rest of us to follow.

    Bullshit is such a common commodity, I have sheep shit and alpaca shit to offer if that helps.

  • @abitcoinskeptic(75)· 2512d

    The leeches only feed because the host was alive and willing

    Most people with any sense of reality realized bid bots are a scam. However I suspect some morons think it is sustainable and universal. In a contained environment they die quickly and cannot be profitable. Its about as dumb as putting a fan on a sail boat and pointing it at the sail.

    ...

    My next project to satirize is these vote subscribers schemes that everyone thinks are super awesome (its elegant vote trading and buying).

  • @mattsanthonyit(81)· 2512d

    Great work 🤗

    Posted using Partiko Android