scrobble.life
Reflections

Sub-optimal remembrance

@galenkp@galenkp (84)977d

sod off u idiot (3).jpg

Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.

- George Eliot -

*** ***

We've all forgotten things; sometimes we get away with forgetfulness lightly, small things like forgetting where the car keys or our sunglasses are for a time isn't life-changing. Other times it can cause catastrophic issues with far-reaching ramifications. But what about when we forget people.

I forgot someone's birthday back in November...remembered it on the wrong day is more accurate I suppose, and I felt bad about it; I explained at the time that birthdays aren't really my thing so I'm not focused on them, however that doesn't mean they're not important to others so I should have remembered.

In the next day or so it's my mother's birthday, she would have been seventy nine but died at fifty nine after suffering with cancer for a few years. It was tragic really, her demise, and quite terrible. Unfortunately those images are burned into my brain and are impossible not to see but I try to remember her as she was throughout my life and on her birthday is one of those occasions where I do so. I usually break out a heap of photos going back to her youth (and my own) which helps me feel connected to her and to remember her in life and not just at the terrible end. I do the same for my father who also passed away after a cancer and dementia battle.

It would be sometimes be good if we could have a selectively sub-optimal remembrance; choosing what we remember may save us a lot of heartache I guess, through blocking out that which makes us unhappy or brings unpleasant thoughts, but we cannot...we have to deal with all of our memories, the good and the bad and as a human life is made up of each element it would be limiting to block one out. I guess that's why I go through my photo ritual on the birthday's of my mother and father, and others I've lost over the years, sort of like a memory top-up which helps hold the less-pleasant memories down rather than trying to eliminate them.

Dealing with the loss of loved ones through death can be difficult and certainly unique to each of us but we all have the ability to remember them in life rather than just at their end and it's what we remember that counts when a person has departed. How do you remember people you've lost to death, what do you do on their birthday's and deathdays to remember them, if anything? Feel free to share, but only if you want to.

Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp

[Original and AI free] Image(s) in this post are my own

Comments · 17

  • @hive-lu(65)· 969d

    Hello galenkp!

    It's nice to let you know that your article will take 9th place. Your post is among 15 Best articles voted 7 days ago by the @hive-lu | King Lucoin Curator by blind-spot

    You receive 🎖 0.8 unique LUBEST tokens as a reward. You can support Lu world and your curator, then he and you will receive 10x more of the winning token. There is a buyout offer waiting for him on the stock exchange. All you need to do is reblog Daily Report 163 with your winnings.

    2.png

    Invest in the Lu token (Lucoin) and get paid. With 50 Lu in your wallet, you also become the curator of the @hive-lu which follows your upvote. Buy Lu on the Hive-Engine exchange | World of Lu created by szejq

    If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP or to resume write a word START

  • @nanixxx(76)· 976d

    I always remember with joy and affection the people I loved and who are no longer on this physical plane. And I also feel many times that it is necessary to talk about them, to tell their anecdotes, to think about what they did or would do at a certain time. That's good for me. They seem to visit me all the time. The sad part I try to leave it there, where it happened, I just evoke them through joy. I like those flowers G. And your photo. It has a huge symbolic charge, as well as love.

  • @planetauto(74)· 976d

    I still talk to my dad. He's been gone for over 20 years now, and - like many - I've found that the grief never goes away. It just seems you get better at handling it?

    Annabelle 😞

  • @mell79(65)· 977d

    Remembering those who are no longer with us can be painful and sad. Sometimes, I remember my late father and my late partner when I hear songs that they liked or when I pass by places that we used to go together.

    I usually say a little pray for them on their birthdays or on the anniversary of their passing. During festive seasons, I visit my late father's grave. There is nothing better than offering prayers for those who have long departed.

  • @avdesing(80)· 977d

    It is really hard to remember loved ones, in the first moments after they leave, the last images come to my mind.... the ugliest ones of the disease, and I feel very sad, especially for what they have suffered.

    Then time goes by and both on birthdays and on the date of death I usually remember them in their spirit, the good things, the good moments, anecdotes.... although the ugly images do not come on those days.

    This is a post that touches the soul, at least for me today, it has been a hard year, this holiday season I will try to remember those good times and the most beautiful days.

    Thank you Galen!

  • @outwars(72)· 977d

    I try to remember the good times. I also look at photos we had together and reminisce. I think what you are doing, topping up memories, is very smart. It refreshes your memory. On their birthdays and deathdays, we usually visit their grave and pray.

  • @ahmedhayat(70)· 977d

    Well, it depends. I lost my two cousins in the previous couple of months but they don't come to my mind often because I wasn't attached to them.

    Whereas my grandmother passed away in 2017 and I still remember her like it was just yesterday's incident. I don't do this birthday thing of the dead ones

  • @steemflow(80)· 977d

    It's only been 7 months but it is still fresh as it happened yesterday. More painful things is that he took his last breath in front of me...seeing him dying suddenly while he was sitting was heart breaking. I am not sure, if I ever get rid of the sight...but i miss him a lot...everyday...every morning at 5am I goes to his bed, as was doing it since last 6 years for him....The pain is unbearable...

  • @enraizar(71)· 977d

    Hi Galen In the case of loved ones who are very dear and no longer around like my father, I don't do anything on their birthdays. I have the date of his passing engraved. I don't usually do anything special on that date either, I just accept the grief and keep in mind a thought from Freud: "Although we know that after such a loss the acute state of grief gradually diminishes, we also realize that we will remain inconsolable and that we will never find a way to adequately fill the void, for even if it were completely filled, it would have become something else. This is how it must be. It is the only way to perpetuate the loves we do not want to give up." A very big greeting.

  • @untamed-essence(51)· 977d

    Sometimes I see my dead grandparents in my quite lucid dreams, and while everything seems almost normal, I suddenly remember that they are actually dead. This realization creates a unique, surreal feeling inside the dream where I still see and treat them like living beings BUT know internally that they are long gone. These types of dreams aren’t very pleasant and leave a lingering sensation of something out of place once I wake up.

    There is an esoteric belief (knowledge?) out there according to which some part of dead (one of their 7 bodies or something like that) remain on earth among the living as long as at least one living person actively remembers them. However, it is never EXACTLY them as they were in real life. It’s just a lingering presence of some energy part of them, and as the time goes by it can become influenced by many things and grow into something quite different. It’s pretty much fed by the memories of the living, like an entity, plus other energies out there can add to it something that was never a part of the actual person who is long gone. Anyways, it’s just a theory, but worth pondering about for those who do believe in such things

  • @fonpet(62)· 977d

    I'm lucky to still have my parents alive. But the most tragic of all death I have seen was when I lost my aunt and my grandmother to death on the same day, six years ago. Whenever it's my grandma's birthday, I usually place her portrait on the chair she used to sit and tell me moonlight tales.

  • @jsalvage(70)· 977d

    This post really hit home for me. It's easy to forget, but we should cherish the memories of those we've lost and keep their spirit alive in our hearts

  • @yourcap(64)· 977d

    It's been a year since my grandma died, but it's like yesterday. All the memories we spent together were still fresh in my mind and it will never be forgotten.

    She died after a week of celebrating her 60th birthday, she had a good time with her relatives before she passed away.

    I miss my grandma so muchhh🥺

  • @bozz(83)· 977d

    Probably the person closest to me that has passed was my grandma. I think of her often, but I don't really do anything special to commemorate the day. She passed away on her birthday.

  • @ctrpch(72)· 977d

    The mind is a powerful thing, capable of bringing back such pain, I too have lost both parents and it does burn as the memories come in waves of deep sadness. It is scary to think of what military veterans (like my father) have to deal with.

    All the best mate.

  • @nanayko(63)· 977d

    It's been 15 years since my father died, but I can still remember the pain he was in to, and the last minute of his life where he seek to watch the light of the day until his last breath. Every death anniversary, we used to visit his tomb and eat our lunch their as if he is with us.

  • @krazzytrukker(70)· 977d

    It will be 9 years in 2024 since my little sister was eaten alive by the monster we all know as Cancer.

    It still hurts as if it were last year. The pain and anger is a good thing in a way. It simply means I miss her just as badly as if it just happened.