#life

Piscina Flaps

Here's to a great new year in advance guys!

My mate The Duke held up his glass and the rest of us did likewise to his toast.

Cheers!

We had popped around to my mate and his wife's house for some festive celebrations. They had kids too which meant that we could sneak a few cheeky drinks together whilst the kids played outside.

Fancy another wee top-up, dawg?

The Duke pointed at my glass and none too subtly motioned me with an eyebrow over to the dining area where a myriad of bottles lurked.

I don't mind if I do, muckeroo!

I downed what was left in my glass and followed him over to the table.

Fancy a brandy or a rum?

He waggled two bottles at me like a skier with Parkinson's.

Well, me old China. We could have a mix of both! What would that be, a Randy? Or a Bum? Or maybe a Brummie!

We laughed hard at this because everyone knows Brummies are bums.

Ha, good one. Go for a Brandy then and we can have a rum after. I have fancy Tequila too. Fancy a quick shot?

The Duke looked furtively behind him at the wives and then out of the kitchen window where the kids were playing in the sunny climate-broken world of 2024.

Alright then. Can't go totally bonkers though, you know.

I nodded in the general direction of the kids and he nodded back sagely in the way that parents do who still believe that their children have never seen them drunk.

We necked our tequilas then brandy and took our rums to the table where The Duke's wife, Shoggoth and the Good-Lady sat.

Shoggoth's many eyes blinked wetly at our arrival.

HAVE FUN DID WE?

She grunted loudly as she oozed slightly sideways.

Aye, just grabbing a cheeky tequila.

The Duke winked and grinned at his beloved who hissed and bubbled affectionately back.

DID YOU HAVE A NICE CHRISTMAS DINNER?

Shoggoth bellowed like a fleshy many-eyed steam train in my direction.

Aye, it was nice. We had my brother over. It was fun.

I sipped my rum and tried not to wither under the acid gaze of The Duke's formidable sea-wife.

DID YOU HAVE A NICE TURKEY?

She smacked her lips as if feasting on the thighbones of a large dead thing.

No turkey, none of us like it. We had tacos! Fish and chicken tacos. It was awesome. Kids loved it. Everyone loved it.

My eyes danced merrily with the memory. I bloody love tacos.

TACOS? JAMES, DID YOU HEAR THAT?

Shoggoth turned to The Duke and flailed her tentacles to and fro as if in distress.

Tacos eh? That would be nice, we had turkey but you know... maybe we should have tacos next year. Change things up a bit!

The Duke beamed at the thought. Like all good people, he loved spice. It was only the truly wicked who didn't.

TACOS? ON CHRISTMAS DAY JAMES, ARE YOU DINGING MA BELL?

Shoggoth stirred angrily, sand from the seabed wafting up around her in great clouds.

TURKEY, THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE FOR CHRISTMAS. NOT BLOODY TACOS. NO WAY WILL WE HAVE TACOS. ON CHRISTMAS?

She turned back to me, her many mouths gnashing shut with mighty clicks and snaps.

TACOS...WHAT DID YOUR BROTHER THINK OF THAT? WHAT DID HE MAKE OF THE TACOS WHEN YOU SERVED THEM UP TO HIM?!

She shifted her weight up and down in consternation at the idea of my brother being so insulted.

He loved them, absolutely loves a good taco. To be honest he loves them a wee bit too much, especially the fish ones. You know what I mean?

I winked at Shoggoth and gave a flirty tilt of my head.

WHIT DO YOU MEAN? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. JAMES, WHIT DOES HE MEAN? JAMES?

Shoggoth's tentacles and frilled underflesh parts whipped back and forth in distress.

He's just messing about, love. Never mind him.

The Duke made a warning motion my way with his hands and I realised then that his wife was bonkers drunk.

LOVES THEM TOO MUCH? HOW CAN YOU LOVE THEM TOO MUCH? A TACO'S A TACO?!

She wailed confusedly.

I was going to joke that he loves them so much he would shag the fish ones if you let him.

I sniggered like a mischievous schoolboy at the thought.

SHAG THE TACOS? JAMES, WHAT IS HE TALKIN ABOUT? YOU CANNAE SHAG A TACO? THAT'S NO RIGHT?!

Shoggoth rose to her full monstrous height and blinked furiously as if waking up from a dream.

AH THINK AH NEED A WEE DISCO NAP ACTUALLY.

She looked at me sideways and tromped off muttering about shagging fucking tacos.

I grinned a little sheepishly.

Sorry mate, I was just joshing.

The Duke waved away my apology as he watched his missus depart with some obvious glee.

Once she had cleared the room he turned to me and the Good Lady.

Tequila anyone?

Comments · 35

@hive-lu(65)· 992d
Hello meesterboom!

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@ericvancewalton(81)· 996d
I'm a huge fan of non-traditional Christmas dinners. This year I made chili with all the fixings. Next year I might well be tacos! Lol. Happy New Year to you @meesterboom!
@itwithsm(72)· 997d
I would prefer Brummie.
@gikitiki(62)· 997d
I can't stand roast turkey. I really like the idea of tacos for Xmas. Everyone can build their own. For the traditionalists, I might even make some turkey based taco meat.

Boomdawg, you might have just changed Christmas dinner forever!!!!
@djbravo(75)· 998d
Just like that time is passing very fast and we all have one year less in our life we all have to take care of only one thing enjoy every passing time because life has some Even man does not know.
@lee1938(68)· 998d
#hive #posh
@nanixxx(76)· 998d
That combination of drinks that you took from experience I tell you that it ends badly... hahahahahahaha... I have not finished reading but, but....

There was very little left to finish the party that is reading you. Hey, I wish you and your good lady a wonderful end of the year and many good things for 2024, including health, prosperity, joy ... and you especially that flame of creativity does not turn off because the truth is that you are a great enjoyment for me and for many here.

Cheers! Come a tequila with rum with brandy with mango beer and gin, if life is only one...
@lovinggirl(63)· 998d
@lizelle(79)· 998d
hAPPY nEW YEAR IN ADVANCE mR. bOOM!
@galenkp(84)· 998d
Old Shoggoth and her taco-induced...umm...salty taco huh? 😊

Anyway, tacos for Christmas...who doesn't like slurping up a decent taco right?
@jacobtothe(77)· 998d

The Duke's wife, Shoggoth

Has Boomy gone barmy? Has he accidentally made up a word already in use?

Shoggoth turned to The Duke and flailed her tentacles to and fro

Well, no more barmy than usual. I think he knows what he's implying.

She turned back to me, her many mouths gnashing shut with mighty clicks and snaps.

OK, he fucking knows damn well what that label means. And he probably reads The Littlest Shoggoth to the family every Christmas Eve, too.
@nickydee(70)· 998d
You're a genius. 👏🏼

Brandy and Tequila? And you're hardcore af too. 👀

As hardcore as Fish Tacos.

Pizza for Christmas Dinner anyone?

I can't remember what we actually ate in the end... but it wasn't pizza.

Or Fish Tacos

🤔

Sending sunshine from the South
@hivebuzz(74)· 999d
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@ryivhnn(73)· 999d
We were at the shops recently and J asked me if I wanted to buy any alcohol and I was like I'm not really feeling it, but decided to try and work out what I might be feeling later. Middle child kept trying to pick the bottles with the coolest looking art but she kept gravitating to the skeletons and they were all tequila which I don't like XD

_{I ended up with Absolut Lime}

I'm guessing from the reaction when you got back you weren't quite as quick with the sneaky drinks as you were hoping to be? XD

Shoggoth wouldn't cope with our Christmas dinners then XD It was only a small one this year but we had ham, shepherd's pie, raw vegetables with a sambal dip, some stirfried vegetable dish, devil curry, rice, and I'm pretty sure there was other stuff in the spread too but I can't remember what right now (I'm mostly remembering what was on my plate). No turkey XD And it's done buffet style. Similar deal when we went to my uncle and aunty's for their Christmas party XD There was supposed to be pavlova for dessert but the meringue didn't behave (Mum suspects because she tried with normal sugar as there was no castor sugar anywhere on the island) so she turned it into Eton Mess (which was the first itme I had ever heard of that) and made a sponge cake.

With J's side of the family it's similar but different as there's various platters of different types of meat and a lot of roast vegetables and they have the more traditional desserts of trifle and a gigantic round Christmas pudding that you have to boil in a sack (that one still gets me XD) and sometimes other things. There might be turkey sometimes too maybe (I don't like it).

Sounds like a hilarious evening XD How's your head? XP
@outwars(72)· 999d
Tacos for Christmas eh, that does sound lovely. We usually just have spaghetti, ham, and spring rolls. But Tacos would spice things up a bit. Add a bit more choices to the meal.

Your friend's wife is a funny drunk. Those are the types you can put jokes out and it just goes over their head. But I am more impressed by how you guys drank. You downed your drink, shot a tequila, then the brandy, then still had a glass of rum. I'm not a strong drinker, and I think I'll be tipsy just from that sequence haha.
@untamed-essence(51)· 999d
despite my totally non-Christmasy and generally un-festive mood this made me smile and grin 😄 Happy holidays to all who celebrate, and I’m raising my glass (wine, not hard liquor, hehe) to new beginnings!
@kairke(52)· 999d
!WOC
@incublus(79)· 999d
When some people are drunk they are never approached, let alone joked with. Maybe you should put some tranquilizers in her drink 😅
@ecency(79)· 999d
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@steevc(81)· 999d
I like the sound of tacos at Xmas. I don't eat turkey anyway, but we do tend to have the traditional veg with our veggie main.

You do have a way with the ladies. What have they got against us guys enjoying the odd shot? Time was when the men would go off after dinner for brandy or whatever and a game of billiards. They would probably smoke too, but that's a filthy habit.

Happy new year!
@tahirmuneer(64)· 999d
@lupega(70)· 999d
Hey, the children are playing in the sunny world of 2024, you are very drunk hahahahaha, it hasn't arrived yet, there are 3 days left, well, children have a lot of imagination, so for them it is already 2024. By the way, I wish you a happy new year, 3 days before, but I don't know if I will work on the 31st, so I better make sure to give you my best wishes for the year 2024
@cmplxty(78)· 999d
Sounds like the sea animal can’t handle her liquor. Light weight!

I watched a video compilation of a bunch of random Scottish people doing funny things earlier and I laughed heartily, thinking it was your brethren and it made it even better. Did you see the video of the Scottish dude sliding down an icy hill on his ass backwards? Poor guy was just defeated lol
@pizzabot(60)· 999d
PIZZA!

$PIZZA slices delivered: @mimismartypants_(2/5) tipped @meesterboom
@mimismartypants(69)· 999d
Shagging Tacos!!! Sounds like an eventful full Christmas! Happy holidays old chap!

!PIZZA
@jacey.boldart(73)· 999d
Oh ! Tacos for the Christmas feast ! That sounds divine !

Actually, it makes me want one right now !

That really gives the permissions when one's wife is drunker than he is. LOL
@iskawrites(69)· 999d
Haha. You and James dare not prepare some tacos on Christmas day I am sure Shoggoth won't allow that to happen either😂
@evernoticethat(70)· 999d
What! You can't have a toot or two in front of the little ones?

Nonsense!

As any self-respecting member of the much-vaunted, fussed over, and ballyhood (a word we need to use more often), Satanic Cat Society knows, it's right proper to pour heaping dollops (Yet another word we need to use more often), of the stuff into baby bottles in order to "help them settle."

Why it was done to me as a toddler, and look at me now! bulbous red nose and all.

So I call for a return to the good old days when wee babies were right sozzled, crocked, gassed, lit, inebriated, soused, and generally three sheets to the wind, like a proper diaper-wearing member of society out to be! (the baby that is, not meesterboom. Although he's been known to sport a diaper in public from time to time.) Cheers! and see you in the new year! :)
@leaky20(79)· 999d
Lol 😂 if their relationship ends up falling on hard times we will all know the reason.

I not sure why but this part also really cracked me up

He waggled two bottles at me like a skier with Parkinson's.
@andr3a1sm(56)· 999d
Quentin Tarantino Style :D
@tamaralovelace(70)· 999d
She must be an alien if she doesn't like tacos!? Tacos are like the food of the gods :-) Bet she had some wicked dreams lol
@slobberchops(82)· 999d
I'm not sure what to make of Shoggoth. Sounds like she has a beef with you, or is one of these argumentativeness types that amplify the trait while under the influence.

Mixing all that, I bet you had a shitty hangover.
@balikis95(71)· 999d
🤣🤣😅 such drama! You never stop to get them, especially with your words. Lol.

This was a fun read. Haha.

... and yes! Happy New Year in advance. Cheers to that with brummies.😝
@videoaddiction(72)· 999d
How many kind of drinks were there? Seem so much mix 😄
@joanstewart(75)· 999d
That would be something to enjoy watching..., at a distance! Sure the good woman were ready to bounce you Brummies right out the door so they could party !LOLZ

Comments · 35

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