#life

Take It Out

Daddy, daddy. Look at me, look at me!!

The Little Boom came running into the garden where I was ~~enjoying some rays~~ contemplating the ineffability of existence.

Whassup dude?

I grunted from my recliney lounger thing that I was spread on like wet fudge.

My tooth!!! Look my tooth!!!

He brandished his hand and on it lay a small white thing sparkling innocently as it's it knew nothing of the horror to come.

Look see!!

The Little Boom grinned madly at me and suddenly it all made sense as I noticed the bloody gap in his front teeth.

Ah! Your front tooth! It's finally came out! Hot dogs man, that's awesome!

I high fived the cheery little bastard and pulled him in for a big hug.

How much will I get for it from the tooth fairy?

I could see him already counting his riches in terms of teeth and chuckled.

I guess we will just have to wait and see eh?

I raised my eyebrow in the mysterious way of parents who try to deflect their children from such nonsense subjects like Santa or Jesus.

Harris in my class got one hundred pounds for his first front tooth!!

The Little Boom beamed at the thought of the tooth fairy leaving him a suitcase of Benjamin's over night in exchange for an old bit of bone.

I beg your pardon!?

I would have staggered back in horror at the idea but I was almost lying down and it's hard to stagger when lying down unless you are an old Irish drunk.

One hundred pounds for his first front tooth!! Isn't that amazing! I hope I get that!

The Little Boom jumped up and down with excitement.

One hundred fucking pounds indeed. Harris's parents were obviously a pair of fucking wankers.

We will see, we will see.

I shoo'd the little guy away and braced myself for the impending disappointment in the morning as he realised that some tooth fairy's aren't as fucking stupid as others.

Some time later a shadow fell over me and I irritably twitched an eye open.

Daddy Bear, the little guy needs help.

It was the Good Lady, she was pushing theLittle Boom forward. No longer was he cheerfully mentally spending a hundred ill-gotten bucks, now he was sobbing his heart out as he clutched at his mouth.

What is it?

I said holding all the what the fucks inside.

Daddy, it's my other toof. I want it out. It hurts!!

The little guy wobbled his remaining front tooth at me which indeed looked to be in a precarious state, swinging back and forth like a cockney lady's ham flaps.

Oh man, it's not got the support of the other tooth. That's a shame little guy but we just have to wait till it's ready to drop. There's nothing we can do.

I made my sympathy face which looks like the same face I use when I feed ducks with illegal bread.

It's really uncomfortable for him. He is a pure state. We need to help him.

The Good Lady pleaded with me as if I were one of those golf carts that wouldn't start when you sat in it and everyone was watching.

Daddy!!! Help! I want it out. TAKE IT OUT!!!

The little guy was winding himself up into a stramash of distress.

Dude, I can't pull your tooth out? I'm not a dentist.

The pair of them started at me with accusing eyes. The weight of their Daddy can fix everything'ness pulling at me.

I'm not a dentist?

I aimed this at the Good Lady with more than a hint of pleading myself.

TAKE IT OUT!

The Little Boom yelled as he wobbled his tooth angrily.

IT HURTS!

Flecks of bloody spit flew forth as he shouted.

Can't you give it a try?

The Good Lady squealed in anguish at the unfolding chaos.

I looked back and forth for an escape route but there was nothing.

I'm not a fucking dentist.

I whimpered as involuntarily I found myself reaching forth to the little guy's mouth with tissue wrapped fingers.

I gave his tooth a wobble. It was spectacularly loose. Surely it would just fall out with the tiniest of tugs?

Are you sure?

I squeaked at them both.

They nodded.

Ok, here goes. It might be a little sore but it will be ok.

I gave the loose tooth a bit of a pull and sure enough it popped out with ease like a mouse's eye in a trap.

There! No bother! We all good?

I looked at the little slightly bloody tooth in my fingers and beamed with pride.

I did it! I was a fucking dentist! I looked at the Little Boom and the Good Lady awaiting my* best dad in the world* accolades.

Then the screaming began.

Comments · 29

@hive-lu(65)· 757d
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@ericvancewalton(81)· 762d
Little Boom just didn't want another hundred quid, did he? : ) I wanted to get my ear pierced when I was a teen but couldn't afford to get it done at the mall. My dad agreed to do it and walked into the room with a sewing needle and a potato (the potato went behind the ear lobe). He was like a battleground surgeon, had to be with us boys around.
@gikitiki(62)· 763d
I remember the elaborate string to the door handle, the other end tied to my tooth ... then my older sister gleefully slamming the door. I'm sure she really hoped it didn't pop the tooth out so that she could do it a few more times.

Then there was the horror that the tooth went flying and I might not get any money from the tooth fairy!!! We eventually found it ... and ... back then, the tooth fairy gave out silver dollars. But, in the morning, after I found my silver dollar, I had to give it to my parents for safe keeping... The next time we went to the store, I could get a treat in lieu of that dollar.

It's actually just dawning on me now ... I wonder if it was always the same silver dollar???? I might have to get to the bottom of this.
@p1k4ppa10(73)· 763d
Of course, a hundred pounds for a tooth is a really good deal!

If I knew such a generous fairy I think I would pull out a couple of my own teeth... Or I could turn to you for the extraction, you are now a professional dentist so I guess I have nothing to fear! :-P
@nanixxx(76)· 763d
But that Little Boom is a real businessman... is now £200! 😄

I remember that I used to tie my own tooth with a cord and pull it! If I had known that they asked for money for that... but right now I will go to my father and ask him to give me 100 for every tooth I have saved.
@balikis95(71)· 763d
🤣🤣🤣 a freaking dentist. How great is that? Lol.

They got you good. They did so well together until you gave in. I hope you are ready with additional bucks to leave under the pillow😅😅.
@littlescribe(67)· 763d
You've got a VERY fun writing style. Especially the narrative and the dialogue...which comprises most of the story. But still. I don't enjoy reading, so don't expect much. But this was fun.
@slobberchops(82)· 763d
Urk... you're making me cringe, I have a thing about wobbly teeth (a part of you that's gone for good once vacated).

Tooth Fairies, now it depends what postcode you have. Some only pay 5p per tooth, that would be my reasoning. 10p is 100% more and just happens to be Boomy's house.
@oaldamster(70)· 764d
Now, you could claim that the Tooth Fairy covers your Dental services costs first. And then leave the difference under the pillow.

Man, inflation has gone bonkers! Or is it deflation? Anyhow, it's getting nuts.
@gabrielatravels(79)· 764d
Ah, this got me so nostalgic! I think we all have funny stories about being kids and losing our teeth. Lovely too!
@itcouldbecloud(55)· 764d
100 pounds haha! It’s certainly gone up since I was a kid. We used to get 50 pence haha.
@mimismartypants(69)· 764d
Hahaha you can add dentist to your portfolio now. Dev Dentist! What a combo! Hahahaha funny enough we had the first tooth experience soon. And the mister pointed out how weird the tooth fairy actually is. A little demon collecting bones from little children... Something wicked this way comes...

Also Hariss' parents are indeed wankers! 100 fucken pounds! What the actual fuck! Also Harris' parents are definitely wakers! 100 pounds! What tge actual fick?!

Also how the hell are you boom, it's been a minute...
@outwars(72)· 764d
Ah, this reminded me of my childhood. No one even considered going to a dentist to have their milk teeth removed. It's either it falls off on its own, or parents tie a string around the tooth, tie the other end on a door handle, and slam it shut. And don't get me started on the tooth fairy. That was such a foreign concept to us that I don't think anyone my age got anything. Getting 100 for a tooth? Kids these days are too lucky.
@djbravo(75)· 764d
I had an accident when I was a child and broke eight teeth and I had them all fixed for $200.
@steevc(81)· 764d
I've no idea of the going rate for dental fallout these days. I think our kids got a quid, but that's a while ago. It wouldn't surprise me if people go mad on the first tooth these days. We didn't have the pressure and influence of social media.

That later scene brought back memories of Tom Hanks doing some DIY dentistry in Cast Away. Ouch!
@davedickeyyall(79)· 764d
Give him the hundred pounds for the tooth then charge 200 for being the dentist.. life lessons
@lee1938(68)· 764d
#hive #posh
@coinjoe(73)· 764d
Hey, if your tooth fairy starts giving 100 per tooth there Dr. Boom, you can pull all my damn teeth. I will just gum my damn food for the rest of my life.
@jacey.boldart(73)· 764d
Arrrrghhhhhh....

My Grandfather had a tiny pair of plyers that he used for just such things, if asked for the help of course.

He DID get 200 pounds under his pillow that night.... right?... oh wait...does the tooth go under the pillow and is replaced by riches while the child sleeps there? Not sure what traditions are common.

We wrapped our little teeth in the corner of a hankie and put it under the pillow. In the morning, there would be a quarter wrapped in it and the tooth had disappeared when we woke up. Of course, a quarter bought more a hundred years ago than it does now. LOL... we were pretty happy about it. There were five of us though, so setting precedence was very important !
@tamaralovelace(70)· 764d
A hero to the little Boom, that's what you are! A hundred pounds for just one tooth, huh? Mind you don't sleep with your mouth open lol
@mrchef111(74)· 764d
100 pounds for a tooth! In my day I was lucky to get a quarter lol. Inflation I guess. Good work on your dentistry. At least you didn't tie a string to it and then tie the other to a door handle then slam the door shut, haha.
@hivebuzz(74)· 764d
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@melinda010100(80)· 764d
And we used to be thrilled with 25cents from the toothfairy!
@beerlover(65)· 764d
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@joanstewart(75)· 764d
Now any fella with an iota of common sense..., charge the Good Lady for being a temporary dentist, two hundred bucks was the deal.

Little Boomer, teach how tooth fairy paid into your slipper, normally only a tickey per tooth, with inflation now fifty-pence to be fair, rest goes into some !BEER

Did you say... I charge for good advice? 🙃
@rafzat(71)· 764d
Hehe It is obvious that the Little Boom likes money a lot. He made sure you help him remove the second tooth so that he would get 200 pounds😅😅😅 He’s so funny😅😅😅
@leaky20(79)· 764d
Jesus. This gave me chills just reading it. Pulling it with your fingers! Yikes.. Next time do the civilized thing and tie it to a length of string and conjure up some crazy plan of removal like tying it to a slamming door or toy Nerf gun dart, or a speeding car.

Also 100 pounds! Well, That's inflation for you 😂
@galenkp(84)· 764d
I knew you had it in you, to be a dentist I mean. It's something to do with the way you ask perfectly normal questions to people while their mouths are wide open and pretend you know what the fuck "u gghugh guggugeeheu uguggeyguhheger means in response.

Fucken dentists and their questions.

Well done on attaining your degree in dentistry mate, you must feel so proud.

Also, them Cockney ladies and their ham flaps mate, it's that flapperflupperty sound they make when the wind blows that is so unnerving.
@fixyetbroken(66)· 764d
Congratulations on "being a dentist" to your little child. Your child and your wife were so happy about it.

Gonna make 200 pounds for the two teeth.😁

Comments · 29

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