Team Ukraine

Dark Whispers - My mental health issues and treatment

It's been a while since I wrote about myself, my health, and everything. I didn't find anything important and informative to write about because my days seem always the same. There is nothing creative or interesting that is worthy of sharing. I have been writing travel posts lately because behind the curtain, a lot of things are ongoing and I thought it would be a good idea to write about memorable locations instead of sharing my same old mental health problem. I have been in intense therapies lately including EMDR. There was a time when I felt like my body and mind were completely crushed and shattered due to the pressure and stress. Also, I have been suffering some neurological and muscle stiffness issues which were causing an intense headache. My MRI report was okay and there was nothing wrong with the brain so the headache was caused by muscle stiffness and migraine.

Spring arrived already but I was not able to travel or visit anywhere far due to appointments and health problems. Besides, last year I traveled a lot so I am taking time to regain my energy and to become healthy so that I can travel again maybe this summer.

Even though I have been going through a lot mentally, I didn't lose my hope and faith in getting better and the recovery process. Sometimes I feel bad seeing others working and having a regular life where I deal with daily chores and my appointments. But inside my mind, I always tell myself that it might not be a good time now but soon I will see bright days. Repeating and reminding myself of positive words feels so difficult, sometimes I can't accept those words but it helps. And that's why so far I have learned how to control myself and how to accept the present, not the past. My trauma coach always gives an explanation for my questions and that helps to educate and understand myself. When I had a severe mental breakdown, I was so confused and in a vulnerable position that I didn't know what was going on. Now at least I know my problems even though I don't have all the proper solutions.

How I have come so far and got a little bit better from such psychological issues? The short answer is tons of medications and therapies. I was very open to my therapies and still, I am no matter how much guilt, and shame I carry. First I learned to trust them and trust me, that's one of the hard parts. Depression is a killer and it eats an individual every moment, every single day. I don't know how I have come this far, almost 1.4 years of therapy and medications but I did it. I still have a few issues, a few detailed traumas, and dark thoughts and illusions but I have help. I actually ask for help always before doing anything wrong. I am still weak, walking on the edge of the mountains but at least I know where I am and where I need to go.

Anyway, I am going to write an interesting part of my EMDR. My EMDR therapist always takes the necessary steps to keep me calm and controlled because due to my mental issue, there is a chance I stuck in the past forever. So, during the last session, while doing EMDR, she suddenly asked me who is my favorite singer. I was in deep memory lane so all of a sudden when I heard what she was asking, I was surprised. I asked her why she did that, and she smiled and said I wanted to bring you back to reality. Another time, she suddenly played my favourite singer's music but I didn't recognize first due to my thoughts. I find it funny knowing that this was part of my treatment. I love music and she felt that music might be one of the ways to break my thoughts and bring me back to reality completely. It's like breaking an old chain...

Nights are long, intrusive, and imaginary thoughts often arrive, my anxiety, emotions, and depression become intense and my surroundings become dark and take me to the past but I endure rather than be scared. I wait for the morning, for the light, I pass nightmares and fail to convert them into something pleasant yet I am fighting for recovery. Because all these whispers that are in my head will be silent one day, yes one day...

Love

Priyan...

^{I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thoughts easily...}

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Comments · 10

@hive-lu(65)· 863d
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@weone(62)· 867d
Thanks for sharing your journey. Hope you'll find solance by sharing ur struggles. I'm trying to give voice to these struggles by creating a dedicated community for mental health and therapy.
@thoughtfulposts(64)· 870d

We appreciate you taking the time, to either use #ThoughtfulDailyPost, or otherwise help this Community grow. So...

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@nathen007(73)· 870d
Those single steps are adding up, lady :-)

But come on, who is your favourite singer and song? Maybe we can all have a listen and send you some positivity boosts!

Hope you had the best weekend you could. Summer is just around the corner. I look into my crystal ball and see light nights, sunshine and travel beckoning you :-)

Always. My best wishes ❤️
@corvidae(75)· 870d

Even though I have been going through a lot mentally, I didn't lose my hope and faith in getting better and the recovery process.

This is such a beautiful relief to read. I worry about you, but I also know you are strong and I trust that strength.

Recently I used clicker training to teach Pilot how to wake me up during a nightmare. He does the "trick" really well, lol. I lay down and thrash and moan and he gleefully launches himself onto my stomach to get the treat. I don't know yet if I actually trained him to wake me during a real nightmare because I haven't had the thrash-and-moan kind in a while, but the idea is comforting. Mostly it's just cute and roller-coaster fun anticipating him jumping on me when I fake the nightmare. I think in real life he's like, dude, I'm trying to sleep here!
@ladyrainbow(67)· 870d
This broke my heart to read because this doesn't sound fun at all but you are doing the right thing by staying strong and committed to progress and getting to the root of the problem. It's not about perfection but progression, one step at a time. Working on managing it will become easier with time and as you find the proper tools for yourself. Doing the little simple things you enjoy for yourself helps too aka self care. Mud mask, go for a nature walk, find dumb things in your house to make a photo art in your pj's ... possibilities are endless.

I don't follow all the claims they tag to their titles but I do put some noise cancelling headphones and close my eyes to nap an hour to this sort of music/sound when I feel anxious, it helps calm down the nervous system and relax the body...maybe that can help with migraines too since they can stem from too much tension in the body/aggravated nervous system for too long.

They are not miracle cures but soothing and helpful for relaxation. Keep doing your best and I wish you the healing you need. xox
@ellenripley(78)· 871d
Well done! You've hung in there and reading your post I feel as though there is some positivity there. You seem to be managing things better. I know there is a way to go but you are getting there.
@balikis95(71)· 871d
Yes! One Day. While reading, I couldn't help the memories that struck me of what I felt throughout last year.

Being sick and going through therapy isn't easy. It is tough, but the moment we ask for help and accept the help given, it helps take one out of depression that may occur.

Music is magical, and it heals us more than we know. I have found myself listening to Enya's song recently, and it has been helping with my mind. Calming things and serving as a remainder that things will get right on track again.

Thanks for sharing this.
@palomap3(76)· 871d
One day at a time, dear. You’re doing an extraordinary work, I’m glad you continue improving. I hope that whispers will silence soon. Love and hugs. ❤️
@erikah(83)· 871d

I am fighting for recovery. Because all these whispers that are in my head will be silent one day, yes one day...

That's what I wanted to read! This says you're on the right track. It's a long road, but totally worth it. When you're doubtful, look back and see how far you've come! And that's all your work with the help of specialists! I'm proud of you! ❤️

Love

Priyan...

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Hello priyanarc!

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