I once spent more than an hour moving a window on a house plan. The changes was not a big deal because all the rooms have to be properly ventilated. When I was done with the CAD work and rendering, I wondered why I could make space for clients perfectly while unsure what to make of my own life.
There is this popular saying over here: "Your talent will lead you to your purpose." I am an architect, and when I am on my computer or with my sketchbook and pencil, empty space, measurements I know what I am capable of doing, it is inbuilt. What I do not always know is whether I chose this part because it fits me more or it allows me to give an easy answer to people when I am being asked what I am becoming.
But when my profession is being praised by someone, I sometimes do enjoy those praises before thinking deeper and asking myself if the profession actually makes me happy.
More often, I have asked myself why I am here or why am I here more than I can admit because question like that are important. The talent I have was expected to settle the matter, as if finding out what my hands could do would give an explanation towards what my life should mean. But it has not. Being able to do something does not mean or give the feeling of being called.
And maybe like a secret, no purpose is hiding inside a talent. Maybe the talent I have is the singular tool; purpose depends on what I chose to build with it, the person I make room for, and what I did not give the opportunity to build on just to make others impressed.
There are still some questions I still have. But at this point, I have looked beyond expecting my talents to give the tye answers. Because even the most perfect plans still needs a person to make that conscious decision what the space would be used for.
Thank you for reading.
