#life

Gotta Run

I shoved at the Beer Shop doors and prepared to barge in and strut around on bandy legs with my hands on my hips like a syphilitic eighteenth century Duke.

My plans were foiled by the door not opening.

Eh, who the bloody hell is in charge of this faaaarce!?!

I roared, giving the doors another shove.

But they did not open.

I took a step back and rubbed thoughtfully at my chin.

There was something afoot here. Something not quite right. I sidled up close to the door again and gave it a nudge with my foot.

It still did not open?!

It was almost as if it were locked and barred from within.

Immediately, I dismissed that idea as preposterous. The Beer Shop was always open. The very idea of the Beer Shop being closed sent an unpleasant shiver down my spine.

I pulled my mind away from such thoughts. That way madness lay.

Once again, I stepped back from the door. I ran a practiced eye up and down over it. It looked like a normal door but my intuition was screaming at me that something was awry.

What could it be?

Wait, I had it!

I leaned in close. There was something in the glass pane of the door. Something which wasn't normally there.

A piece of paper by the looks of it, stuck to the inside of the glass by a piece of tape at each corner.

This was definitely new.

Nodding wisely, I gave the door a tentative push.

It still didn't move.

Huuurf.

I snorted.

There had to be something I was missing.

Then a sickening thought dawned on me.

What if I had forgotten how to open doors?

Was I to be doomed to a lifetime on the outside? Always peering in, licking the panes of the ones I loved? Unable to open the door and step through into their lives?

No. No way. I wasn't going to let this happen. I would rather die than live life as a mere observer.

Grimacing, I pulled my bag from my shoulders. I had a small blade secreted in the inner lining for exactly this eventuality. In moments it was free and in my hands.

I took my phone out and quickly rattled a message to the Good Lady out on WhatsApp telling her I loved her. Then I raised the blade to end my life.

Beyond the blade, I noticed writing on the piece of paper tacked to the door.

Hi! I aint opening whilst this Coronavirus stuff is about. Gotta run. Bye!

I lowered the knife.

Looks like I got lucky.

This time.

Comments · 10

@raj808(77)· 2362d

The very idea of the Beer Shop being closed sent an unpleasant shiver down my spine.

The horror.... the unbelievable, terrible horror. Don't do it boomy... There's so much to live for, if the only beer left is Corona you'll survive. It's ok with a bit of lemon in the top of the bottle 😉🍺
@arcange(79)· 2362d
Congratulations @meesterboom! Your post was mentioned in the Steem Hit Parade in the following category:
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@ryivhnn(73)· 2362d
That's a bit extreme don't you think XD

Did you ask him which coronavirus? I suppose we all know which coronavirus unlike when we say we have "the flu" or "the cold" that's going around without having the foggiest which one that might be but I still love teasing people XD

So what are you going to do for beer now? Does he do online? Perhaps he can post you some?
@cryptoandcoffee(85)· 2362d
I thought you were someone who looked for alternative entrances. What happened to you slipping in the back door? I am sure he was waiting expectantly for his favorite customer who takes all the strange beers that don't sell. Please tell me you managed to get something at least for the reviews.
@ginnyannette(69)· 2363d
The beer shop closed?! My god. Did you resort to the local convenience store to pick up something for your weekly review? You do bad beer reviews excellently, I trust it will be entertaining :)

That way madness lay.

I have this feeling that line is going to pop into my head tomorrow every time I look at the children's room or the line at the grocery store.
@galenkp(84)· 2363d
I'm so glad you have a knife on your person at all times...One never knows when taking one's on life may be required. I almost did it yesterday when the bakery told me there was no chunky steak and mushroom pies left.

I once, very embarrassingly, walked into a glass door whilst my head was turned (looking at a hottie in a mini skirt)...No one saw so all good. (Yes they did.) Oh, the shame.

P.s. You in short running shorts first thing in the morning...Talk about a heart-starter!
@steemitboard(66)· 2363d
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@oaldamster(70)· 2363d
Wut, no beer!?
@abh12345(80)· 2363d
Unsympathetic bastard beerman! Just leave the doors open?
@nonameslefttouse(77)· 2363d

What if I had forgotten how to open doors?

I don't think I've ever laughed so hard at something so stupid. LOL!

Comments · 10

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