Wouldn't it be wonderful to see everything through the eyes of a toddler?
The Good Lady enthused.
Her eyes gleamed as she looked at the Little Boom who was engrossed in playing with an Amazon delivery box. Little did he know or care that one of his Christmas presents had been inside.
He was stepping inside it, then outside it, putting it on his head and running about. All the while giggling in that way that two-year-olds have that make us old cynical adults realise how shit grown-up life can be.
To live like a toddler for a day. That would be something wouldn't it?
She asked me, her head tilted to the side as she dreamily imagined the wonder and awe of having that toddler view on everything.
I looked up at the ceiling and imagined such freedom.
Hi, can I have a skinny latte with an extra shot, please?
Oh, sorry, sir. We only have full-fat milk. Will that be ok?
Raaar!?!
I go berserk and smash up the shop whilst screaming in insane rage before shitting myself and throwing myself to the floor in floods of tears.
BoomDawg, can you stay late tonight? We really need to get this report done?
El Jefe asks in his sweaty way.
I take a moment to consider before my bottom lip trembles and I go berserk, throwing everything off my desk and punching El Jefe in the face, then I throw myself to the floor and continue to scream whilst kicking myself round in a great heaving sobbing circle.
I aim carefully before launching my yoghurt-filled spoon into the air. It clatters off the wall and yoghurt splats everywhere.
Daddy-Bear, No! We do not throw things. No more throwing!
The Good Lady hectors me.
I glare at her with my balled fists held at my sides before screaming in Viking rage and storming over to the wall and kicking it. I hurt my foot and scream all the louder before shitting myself and running into a nearby table.
Oh darling, are you ok?
The Good Lady attempts to comfort me but I ignore her and run around in mad circles shrieking.
Booby!!
Booby!!!!
BOOBY?!?!?!?!?
Wouldn't it be great, Daddy-Bear. Just for a day?
I snap out of my daydream to see the Good Lady smiling at me.
Yes, Yes it would.
I murmur, gazing off into the distance to a land of violence, frothing rage and infinite boobies.
It would be smashing.
