There are moments in life that come about specifically so that we might look back or learn things about the past, and thus gain a better understanding of both situations and people.
To listen to whilst reading the reflection – Source
For nearly two weeks now, I’ve had a special guest staying with me, a cousin of my mother’s whom I’d never met in person, only through a few messages, conversations and little else. At some point in history, my mother’s family split into two. Attitudes, a lack of understanding, misunderstandings… these things happen sometimes.
But the rift was so deep that my mother hadn’t seen this cousin for over 40 years, and these past few days I’ve been reflecting and thinking a great deal about many things. My second cousin Luis is my story, part of my story, and his arrival right now at this very moment is no coincidence, there’s a reason for everything.
I was unaware of much of the past, a past I needed to know in order to understand what came afterwards. Nobody is a saint in this life; we all make mistakes, and in my family many have made them, but now history has come full circle to tell me that there’s always something to be salvaged.
I’ve learnt of some very painful things that I needed to know, and which once again show me that even within one’s own family there can be a great deal of envy, and that people can speak or say things without having the slightest grasp of reality; and so the things people say turn out to be fabrications, assumptions and even lies.
I’ve thought about it so much, and this whole experience has been so deeply moving for me that I’ve come to the conclusion that when something needs to resurface to be sorted out, resolved or understood, it will come to light, because it’s necessary, even if it hurts at first. And I don’t see it as something negative, despite the intensity of the emotions and the tears that may fall – as they are right now, as I write this, but rather I see it as a part of life and as things I needed to know.
Knowing and travelling back to the past is sometimes necessary for healing; once you’ve healed, you can move forward stronger.
I’ve told my friends time and again that this is proving very intense for me; I’m experiencing it as something very powerful and profound, because as well as learning things about my family and specific members of my family, things I needed to know, I’ve also met a cousin whose life wasn’t easy, but when I look into his eyes, I see my maternal family and, above all, I see my grandmother’s eyes and his father’s, the eyes of a story.
Something told me he recognised something in me, and I plucked up the courage to tell him things about myself, things that those who read my posts regularly will recognise, and which arise in sensitive souls. I’ve only known him for a few days, but I felt there was something in him that I recognised in myself.
When you’ve been through very tough times in life, one gaze recognises a similar gaze, and all the more so when there’s a blood tie. From him I received all the understanding in the world, understanding that I never had from the family who were by my side for over forty years. They weren’t the right people, it strikes me now.
Someone I loved very much used to say to me: ‘Life takes many twists and turns, and sometimes those turns aren’t so long.’ He was right.
I’m going through this process with great intensity; at times I feel emotionally drained, there’s so much to take in in such a short space of time, but it’s a necessary process for the soul to grow stronger. They say the warrior’s path is a lonely one, but sometimes people appear who can help, help you to better understand the path you’ve travelled, so you can carry on walking with a steadier step, building your life with greater clarity.
Amonet.
All the photographs are mine.
Used translator Deepl.com free version.
