Can Couples Still Love Passionately After Marriage Gets Real?

Sometimes I ask myself this question, Can two people still look at each other with that same kind of excitement after years of marriage? After the bills, the arguments, the responsibilities, the children, the work stress, and all the other things that come with building a life together?

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Because honestly, marriage is not always what we imagine before we get married.

When we are dating, everything seems different. We can't wait to see the person. We miss their calls when they don't call, we can spend hours talking about almost nothing and still enjoy every minute of it, we notice the little things about them, and somehow even their annoying habits can seem adorable.

Then we get married and suddenly, we are dealing with rent or mortgage, groceries, housework, work deadlines, family issues, and sometimes children who seem to need something every five minutes.

There are days when romance is the last thing on our mind. There are also days when we look at our partner and think, “When did things become this ordinary?” But maybe ordinary isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I think one of the biggest mistakes we make is expecting marriage to feel like the early stages of dating forever. It probably won't. And maybe it isn't supposed to.

The kind of love we have after years together can be quieter. It can be less about butterflies and more about knowing someone deeply.

It can be your husband bringing you something from the shop because he remembered you like it. It can be your wife checking on you when you have had a difficult day, It can be sitting together in silence without feeling uncomfortable, It can also be laughing about something silly that nobody else would understand.

But that doesn't mean passion has to disappear. I think couples sometimes stop dating each other once they get married. They become partners in running a household, but they forget to remain lovers.

Life gets busy, and without realizing it, conversations become mostly about responsibilities. Did you pay the bill? What time are you coming home? Did you pick up the children? What's for dinner?

Before you know it, you have gone from lovers to roommates who share responsibilities. That is why I believe passion sometimes has to be intentional.

You have to make time for each other. You have to talk about things other than problems. You have to flirt sometimes, you have to laugh, you have to touch, you have to appreciate each other and, most importantly, you have to remain curious about the person you married.

Because people change, the person you married ten years ago isn't exactly the same person today and that is not necessarily a bad thing. There are new dreams, new fears, new experiences and new sides of them that you can still discover.

Maybe lasting passion isn't about trying to recreate the relationship you had when you first met. Maybe it is about creating something new as you grow together.

Marriage will show you the beautiful side of your partner, but it will also show you the difficult side. You will see each other's weaknesses, you will disagree, you will disappoint each other sometimes.

That is where love becomes real, not when everything is perfect, but when things are difficult and you still find reasons to choose each other.

So yes, I believe couples can still love passionately after the harsh reality of marriage sets in but I also think love needs attention. You can't neglect a relationship for years and expect it to remain exactly the same.

Sometimes you have to put down your phone, look at your partner and remember why you fell in love in the first place. And maybe, after all the years, you can fall in love with them again but this time, not because you don't know their flaws, you fall in love with them knowing them.

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