Before starting out love and mingling stuff, here is a little back story from my childhood and teenage life. Because, I believe this whole perspective made me deal with jealousy differently.
We are total four family members. My father, mother, me and little brother. It seems my parents took: "Bacha do hi acha (Two children are enough" too seriously. And for that sake I love and dislike their decision, lol. I am in my 20s, and I still think that we really deserved a sister. There is a reason behind it, this little house of ours lack "feminine" energy. Hehehe. Even, sometimes, my mother gives manly vibes.
As mentioned above, "me" comes before my " little brother." So it simply means I am the elder one, the next in line to take control of things. Those aware of this region are known of the norms here. Right? Elder brother shares the most of the responsibility, there is no great princess treatment for them. Since childhood, I have been brought up this way. And the thing is: it was mostly done by my relatives. My parents treat me the same as my little brother, of course, they are the parents. But, being a by-product of society, and no matter how much I hate this society stuff, I am accustomed to those roles.
Anyways, the whole purpose of this writing is simple: I do feel jealous of stuff, but bare minimum. Because my thought process has been this way since childhood.
But here is the twist
This whole sigma nature of mine changed, when I fell in love. Being honest, it was not love at first. As usual, I just went with the flow, and later on, it turned out "LOVE." And this love thing taught me one thing to the chores i.e. Jealousy. Wooo man, at first, it was really hard to understand my own feelings. Imagine this, the building was constructed to not be jealous and be mature; and suddenly, there is a patch in it, and you do not have the material to fix it.
So just like any other curiosity, I did my research. Somewhat satisfied that it is just a natural thing. Some of the researched material is still here in my consciousness:
Jealousy is something from "I want you" to "I need you." And there is a big difference between wanting something and need of something. Then there is this concept by: Soren Kierkegaard. In simple words, his idea is that jealousy is not born from what is happening. It is born from probabilities. The probability of "what could happen." The brain creates ten possible disasters while reality is there doing nothing at all. So how are you going to deal with something, which is not even clear? This, my friend, is jealousy - the abstract feeling.
The Abstract Feeling
The abstract nature of it makes the work more hard. There is not a scale to compare it. I cannot say that 2kg of it is enough, and then it needs to be balanced both way. Maybe that 2kg is enough for me, but my beloved weighs for 1kg.
But jealousy is a must factor to love and be loved!
I gave my answer quite easily. But this is the truth. If there is no jealousy; there is no love. Just remember to differentiate between: being jealous and being obsessed. Obsession is something which is a henious crime. And after watching "Obsession" movie, I am afraid of it, lol!
A healthy jealousy is something which demands somewhat possessiveness, and once again, it needs to be both way. If I am the only one making sacrifices then only "Majnu's" love can save the relationship. Because no sane human being can put on the show for long, without sacrifices from both sides.
What is a healthy jealousy?
Now I will explain it as something of neutral nature. There are things which demand check-and-balance; there are things which need to be trusted. You can get jealous, if someone gets closer to your beloved, even if it is of same gender. And this is a healthy one. But if you starts questioning every message, every call, every interaction; then you are doomed.
Acknowledge it!
I know it is hard to accept the fact that you are jealous. I have been there, but it is just another humanly feeling pal. So acknowledge your emotion. There is no need to fight over pity things. Just say: I am jealous. It will really cool down everything. And once things are back to normal, think about that jealousy part. It will ache a bit, but give it a thought. Ask yourself, is it even something to be jealous of? Sure, it is. But is it something to fight over? Not at all. Just express your feelings, this thing really lightens up the mood.
And, I think this is enough for free relationship advice.
For more reach out to my consultant at: www/khud k laga para h/com :)
(www/figuring-it-out-myself/com)
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Peace 🕊️
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This is my entry for IndiaUnited Contest. Do check out the rules before applying.
The picture was taken by me using Infinix Note 50 Pro. And has been used previously as well. The meaning implied is: everyone has their own story.
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