While waiting for Smallsteps to finish her piano lesson in the city, I chanced upon a friend I haven't talked to for several years. We were never super close, but we chatted from time to time and since she had a half hour to kill before heading back to work and I was waiting anyway, we sat down and talked away. And in that short time we covered me having a stroke, dancing, married life, her single life dating, the lack of personality of people dating, schools, having or not having kids, dogs, dogs eating condoms...
And then a discussion about having good discussions, without fearing getting offended or offending others.
... those were the days.
The days where people could discuss openly and if something was said that crossed a line, it could be dealt with like adults. No one would be offended and if they were, they would say, "Hey, that's not cool" and people would move on. No harm, no foul. And what it meant was people could talk more openly about the things that mattered to them, or were on their mind, or didn't understand, or had an opinion on.
Fun conversations.
When I got home I was reading a little news and saw that Trump had commented on some candidate losing weight, which has obviously been deemed inappropriate.
It went something like this:
“I knew Ashley for a long time, and she was a little bit heavier, okay? She knew the weight that was on her. Really, literally, the weight. Ashley knew the importance of what this was and how important it was and boy she put herself. She went on a regimen. She put herself in shape. She’s in perfect shape. She was good. I thought- she was great the other way. But she put herself in shape and she did that for you. She knows the importance and I think it’s great."
Pretty ridiculous and yeah, for a President to speak like that is probably inappropriate. But, for a President of one of the fattest nations on earth, he fucking well should be talking about obesity, because it is not great for anyone. But presidential verbal diarrhoea aside, I wonder how many problems have become more severe because we haven't openly talked about it.
Taking obesity as one of the examples, it is pretty easy to tie the increase to cultural changes in diet and movement, but there is another cultural factor that is in play that doesn't get spoken about. Shame. I am not saying we should "fat shame" people, but when there are open discussions on fatness that are largely negative, it is likely that people who are fat or are getting fatter, will have some sense of personal shame about their condition. It is also likely that people will try to combat getting fat more, rather than not trying to stay thinner.
Sex, money, religion, politics.
That was the etiquette guideline for what not to talk about in "polite company" - probably meaning relative strangers. However, these are topics that we have problems with and that list is growing, including health, pregnancy, and even children - because that can offend people who don't have children. It is no wonder people are boring as fuck, as their conversation experience is so limited and they spend so much time alone behind a screen.
The conversations that don't challenge us, that don't question us, that don't make us question ourselves, are useless. And this is even more true when we have numerous problems as individuals and in society to deal with. If we have an issue, we need to discuss it because obviously whatever we are doing, isn't working.
No, I don't think Trump should be talking as he did about the candidate, but I also think we should be talking more about these kinds of things. Not only from the negative view, but we should celebrate people who have been able to keep themselves in check, or have overcome the various challenges.
In a world full of corrupt politicians and lying influencers, more now than ever we need role models who are open and trustworthy and have a proven track record in dealing with issues. Not fake shit created for follows and likes. And perhaps a big part of the problem is that we are looking to digital media on screens for our role models, instead of real people, doing real things, and having conversations with them. And the less we interact with real people, the worse we get at it, the more fearful we become, and the more we rely on the fake shit.
Now, if you are truly happy with yourself the way you are, then you can't be offended when someone talks about things that align with the way you are. Sure, some people have no tact and there are always a few who are looking to make people feel bad, but when people are discussing openly and earnestly, it should be encouraged, no matter the topic, no matter how uncomfortable, no matter if it hits home a bit. And if it does hit home, if you do feel bad, investigate why you feel bad hearing someone else speak a few words.
We all have issues.
We can learn about them, talk about them, strategize how to deal with them, and overcome them.
We have built a culture where people are afraid to speak, as a species whose number one competitive advantage is communication.
Taraz [ Gen1: Hive ]
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