I rearrange the conditions, moving things, replacing tools, changing the order, and convincing myself that preparation is progress, I rearrange the conditions, preparing for a beginning lets me feel possibility without discovering whether I can actually do the difficult part, I rearrange the conditions, telling myself the room, timing, or materials are wrong when what I really want is a version of the work that asks less of me, I rearrange the conditions, how often have I changed everything around the task because I did not want to face what the task was asking me to change within myself, I rearrange the conditions, but the reality is I cannot rearrange my way out of every uncomfortable truth…
I mistake movement for momentum, adjusting details because they respond immediately while the decision that matters remains untouched, I mistake movement for momentum, polishing the opening before I know what I am saying, gathering more when I already have enough, I mistake movement for momentum, every adjustment gives me a little control while the work waits for the one thing, my willingness to choose, I mistake movement for momentum, what am I still postponing beneath all this activity, and what would happen if I stopped long enough to face it, I mistake movement for momentum, perhaps I do not need a more perfect beginning but the courage to accept the uncertainty of choosing the one…
I change the conditions, knowing a different room, material can sometimes loosen a thought that has become too familiar, I change the conditions, I am learning that the right conditions cannot remove every resistance before I am willing to meet every circumstance, I change the conditions, learning to tell the difference between an experiment that opens a door and a distraction that keeps me walking around unending loops, I change the conditions, can I know when a new approach is giving the work fresh air and when I am simply looking for another reason not to enter my self-discovery phase, I change the conditions, but not the direction every time the work asks me to stay, adapting does not always mean abandoning the path—it can mean finding a better way to keep walking it…
I begin before I am certain, confidence may not arrive before the decision but grow from living with what I chose, I begin before I am certain, knowing no kind of perfect arrangement can protect every hour from disappointment, I begin before I am certain, keeping what is needed, removing what does not, and working with the present conditions regardless, I begin before I am certain, what could move forward if I stopped waiting for permission from a future version of myself who is always never certain, I begin before I am certain, sometimes the clarity I keep waiting for is waiting on the other side of my decision, certainty is not always what gives me the courage to move; sometimes moving is what finally gives me clarity…
Watchwords: Movement is not always momentum Preparation can become another delay Change what helps you see Stop negotiating with imperfect conditions Clarity on the other side of choosing
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”..
As and will always be reminding you to dream:
“As you are still the Master of your destiny and the maker of your dreams…”
