If my camera roll could tell my life story, I wonder what someone would think after scrolling through it.
Maybe they would expect to see family pictures, food or the places I have visited, random moments or selfies. But if someone looked through my camera roll recently, they would probably notice something very different. There are pictures of medicines, prescriptions, medical reports and things related to my health.
And honestly, those pictures tell a story that I have never really shared online.
So, yeah I have been dealing with health issues for a long period but in present time it have become worse. I always try not share about my problems online. Well, I let people see the positive side of my life because I just want to spread positivity not negativity. I don't hide it because I want to pretend that how perfect is my life, when it's not at all.
However, you will see most of the time I'm leaving encouraging comments on other peoples post with a smiling emoji or a flower emoji. But if my camera roll could speak then it will tell you that the person behind that emoji isn't always smiling.
My health has been getting really bad and mentally I feel drained. Still I would try to be active on Hive. I read posts when I can and leave comments. For me, Hive is place where I find peace when nothing feels right.
Right now swallowing is very difficult for me. When I try share my problems with someone, they don't understand it properly as they have not faced it and it's not easy to describe or explain. They don't understand the feeling of when you're unable to swallow. Everyone eats food every day without thinking because it's like an autopilot mode but for me it has become manual. It feels like the food is stuck in my throat. I have been losing weight and already lost around 5 kg. Recently, I have also been dealing with excessive drooling of saliva when I'm fully awake. So, I went to an ENT doctor.
So, the ENT doctor couldn't figure out my problem and he sent me to a psychiatrist but after the appointment, they couldn't also find the cause what was actually wrong with me. But they prescribed some medicines and I have another appointment in next 2 weeks.
Sometimes, I do feel like I am a burden to my parents. My test and medicine expenses are a lot. I know they don't think like that but I still feel guilty. But through this hard phase, one of my friend on Hive has been helping me a lot and I am genuinely grateful for that.
So, if someone wants to know what my camera roll says about me, it's not going to meet their expectations it's going to shows the things I don't talk about. They will find my other side who has been struggling for a long time and now it has taken a worse turn but see the person who would still smile and spread positivity quietly.
And maybe that's what our camera rolls really are sometimes, not just memories but little pieces of the life we don't know how to explain.
This is the side of me that almost nobody knows.
The thumbnail is created with chatgpt.
Thanks for reading 🌷
