Bullet Train (film): I don't understand why this film is highly-rated

When I saw the cast for Bullet Train and also heard of its huge budget I was thinking to myself that this is all but guaranteed to be an amazing film. Well it took me two (nearly 3) sittings to get through it all and the only reason why I went back to it a second time was because someone online convinced me that the ending really ties things together and makes the whole story worthwhile. I've seen this in other films that I thought were boring or just poorly written in the past so I went back to finish it.... and was wildly disappointed by the time the ending credits rolled.

Mild Spoilers ahead!

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When a film stars Brad Pitt I think it is just assumed that it is going to do well because even bad Pitt films make a ton of money. I can't think of any that lost money and for the most part, he doesn't do straight action films. In this movie it seems as though Brad, who I think is amazing, forgot how to act. There are many times in the film that he doesn't seem like a 30-year veteran of the game but more of someone that is reading his lines off of cards in the background.

One of the appeals was that this movie was going to have so many other stars and while they are in the movie, many of them do not play a very active role. I found it hilarious that Channing Tatum is in the movie, but only for around 30 seconds and he has 2 brief lines of dialogue. He also has zero effect on the storyline as does Ryan Reynolds, who was in the movie for less than 10 seconds.

The film does take place almost entirely on a bullet train in Japan and this limitation might be part of the reason why I didn't enjoy this movie. There is only so much you can do with a long tube and there are certain situations such as not being able to find someone else or the staff not witnessing crimes, that are really not believable. I get it, it is a work of fiction and it is based off of a Japanese action novel but some scenes such as when a staff member enters one of the cars where two people have been smashing everything and she just smiles and sells them a bottle of water, is supposed to be funny but to me it was just kind of stupid.

The soundtrack is good and I think that director David Leitch was going for a sort of Quentin Tarantino "Kill Bill" sort of feel to it. Unfortunately for him and for me by extension, the very limited location made this almost impossible for me to enjoy. Other action films like this also take things to an extreme and we are not meant to consider whether or not what is happening would be possible, we are just meant to enjoy it. I guess I just demand a certain level of authenticity from my films because battles, mostly involving just a few people, would not go unnoticed by the staff or authorities, especially in a city as modern and CCTV covered as Japan.

Realism aside, the dialogue in this film is meant to be poetic the likes of which we would see in a Guy Ritchie film, but it all just kind of falls flat in that it isn't funny, nor is it particularly meaningful or insightful. To this day there are a ton of lines from films like "Snatch" that I quote on a regular basis but I just watched Bullet Train yesterday and I honestly can't remember any of the dialogue.

I think that this movie was attempting to cash in on the cast because there are a ton of big stars in this but other than Brad, none of the big names have any sort of meaningful role in the story.

It starts out as a "snatch and grab" theft on the part of "Ladybug" (Brad Pitt) as being the only objective but it later involves half a dozen separate objectives that just happened to fall in line with the plot despite the fact that nobody actually knew for sure that certain parts of the equation were going to fall into place and there is no way that they could have. Everything just kind of happens the way that it does by coincidence. I don't know if they were going for an M. Knight sort of presentation where seemingly unimportant people or objects end up being a major piece of the story, but again, this just falls flat. We spend the whole time wondering what Channing Tatum is up to only to have him not play a part in the story at all. One of the baddies claims to have purchased all the tickets on the train, thus giving us some insight as to how it is possible that a bullet train in Japan could possibly be near empty, yet there are a few people who are still on the train - such as Channing Tatum. Was this an attempt at misdirection? It doesn't really matter because when the entire thing is said and done it was all just an over-the-top fight scent that took place over the course of a dozen train stops or so.

There are parts of it that are cute and fun and even parts that might bring you near tears with the emotion that is expressed, but in the end of it all we are not left with a "what an amazing story" or "I didn't see that coming" feeling but more of a "WTF did I just watch? I have no idea what just happened there" feeling.

Should I watch it?

Of all the things I have written about on here this is one that I expect to be attacked for saying. I do NOT think you should waste your time on this movie. While not as bad as a superhero movie, the convoluted and extremely far-fetched story just goes all over the place at all times. There is no cohesive plot here other than the fact that we are obviously supposed to be rooting for Brad Pitt's character of "Ladybug." The fight sequences aren't even that good either and while I can appreciate some humor being put into the story, most of that is pretty lame as well. I'm struggling to think of any sort of redeeming qualities about it to be honest since a lot of the missing pieces are presented in an "after the fact" sort of montage way to fill in the obviously massive gaps in the story once we get to the end.

In a good story, the pieces all come together without being lead by the hand to them. There is a reason why this took me two (again, nearly 3) sittings to get through it and I guess I am just not part of the online crew of people that are all raving about how this movie is awesome because I do not agree. It made $200 million at theaters, so I would imagine that Sony is pleased.

Sorry folks, but if you liked this movie, I straight up disagree with you and think that people should spend their time on anything other than watching this :) If i had to give it a thumbs up about anything I would say that the soundtrack is pretty awesome.