Image source

Before I start let me say, yes I am aware it is the most successful franchise, I know it made billions, I know I am a nobody hater, what qualifies me to call it stupid? Nothing, I am an Iraqi broke man living off 200$ a month and I am about to tell why the Avengers franchise is a stupid mess of a franchise.

Let's Start, Shall We?

First of all killing half the characters and then reviving them is the equivalent of a character waking up at an end of a movie and realizing that it was all a dream. Oh yeah, ant-man's timeline passed by slower therefore time travel exists? Now we have to watch the creators of the franchise sucking their own dicks by playing old non-used footage from their prequels?

Actually Let's Start Simpler

The entire Franchise is an over glorified T.V show, it is Game of Thrones on steroid, except Game of Thrones had an ending that made more sense, oh yeah, I am going there. The only difference is the fact Marvel is like someone's playlist of their favorite episodes. That is why when Tony and vagina scented Pepper had a break, we missed it. "I didn't know", said Captain America regarding the break, yeah you are not alone caps, I didn't know either.

WHO THE HELL IS CROSSBONES

You know, the main villain in civil war. You don't remember him either, do you? Such an un-memorable character got to be the villain out of nowhere. Oh he was blah blah and did blah blah in the winter soldier? Oh now I am supposed to study movies before going to see a new a movie. It is a movie, not a fucking exam.

WHO THE HELL is SHARON CARTER

Oh another blah who did blah in the winter soldier. She is supposed to be suddenly a love interest after one stupid scene where she...... AAAAH forget it. She is also Margaret Carter niece, you know, Captain American's wife at the end of the series. What a lovely thanksgiving family dinner that would be. Was this saga stolen from a Porn parody?

WHO THE HELL IS MARGARET CARTER

I know who she is, but how is this endless love that transcended time qualified to begin with? Did they go on a date? No, did they kiss? Barely, matter of the fact he kissed another woman in front of her.

I can spend an eternity on dispensable characters.

Why not bring back Tony, you dicks!

Why should I care about Tony Stark's death? Maybe because he has shitty friends, Captain America died then immediately went back to fuck his ex's aunt. Also, how did he get back? Did he kill his old self first thing he returned? Where did he bury the body? How did an entire military complex miss the fact that there is now an older Steven Roger with darker hair? Also the first hair dyeing product was introduced in 1947 in GERMANY, do you think that is where he would go to dye his hair?

Where was I? Oh yeah, TONY! He has a fucking daughter and wife and you just won't return him. His daughter loved him 3000, you douchebags. And while we at that subject

They weren't supposed to change anything in the timeline

BUT THEY DID, I will come back to this point at the end.

Why should death matter anymore?

If you introduce time travel, you create a deus ex-machina, but one that is there to stay. At this point each character that dies can be brought back. Why even stop there?

Why should anything matters?

Oh, New York city was destroyed, let's just press restart, I guess.

You are a phone call away, you idiots.

Why did Thor not call everyone to safe Asgard? Also, again, TONY! When he was attacked in part 3 of Iron Man, it was on the news. Did no one catch it? Was Captain America too busy to help, Black widdow? Hawkeye? Anyone? I swear to God, Tony has the worst friends.

So we are just going to let people die, more buildings destroyed because we won't call any of our superpowerful friends. Billions of dollars and they couldn't buy common sense.

You IDIOTS

The Avengers actually did a horrible job as defenders. A team that has countless super powers, three geniuses at least, including one who knows the future, many more, and you are telling me no one could have come up with a better solution to get things done? I mean Thanos for example got his head chopped off so hard, you would think Thor was getting trained by ISIL, so he can be killed. Are you telling me no one was able to come up with a mini bomb that they could fly through Thanos' ear into is body? Or anything within those lines?

Here is an example

Movie begins

Captain America: Tony, we need to stop Thanos Tony Stark: Already done, I sent a sniper with a bullet that turns him into an idiot. Captain America: Ohw

Then they would cut to Thanos saying something stupid like "Add pineapple to the pizza" or "Yes, the Big Bang theory is funny"

And for the remainder of the movie they could just discuss how a Gorilla got thousands of votes last election.

The End

But NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, we have to put the world at risk because we want to show off our new gadgets and moves.

Finally, The Entire Series Did NOT Happen

Remember when I said I will get to this point at last? This is it.

So Steve Rogers returns to live with his love in his quest to fuck every female in the Carter family. He lives happily ever after, right? NOPE, him returning and not get ice creamed means there is no Captain America, no Winter soldier, no Civil War, no infinity war, no End Game. Assuming it does work, again, TONY!!! You had 70 years, you douche America, and still didn't think of a way to save the man and return him to his family safely?

But it doesn't work. I have like a complain for each dollar the movie made but it doesn't matter since the movie never existed in the first place.