I used to feel like having an egg on my face whenever I advertised that I am looking for a job. It's as if there are invisible forces even imaginary friends of mine said, " You? You're looking for a JOB?🤣". Well, I like creating job more than finding one and it also feels like I am begging for it. That being said, it felt like I was on the lowest pit of hell. But lately, I don't have much choice other than feeling like I am somewhere standing on the road holding sign, please give me a chance & hire me.

I had this messed up mindset since normally my family gets job flawlessly. There is no way you'd convince me otherwise. For many years, I believe in the idea of meritocracy but I am not living in that kind of world. I was shying away from using the privileges I had for my entire 20's. Life would have been easier if I did but hey, now I am learning my lesson.

During some of my recent trips, I think about how far I've come had I used my privileges. I always thought my mom was just a delusional woman with grandiose ideas about how she somehow knew everyone. She actually does. The more I work with her, the more I learn those complex web of connections. But anyway, less about that but now, the silver lining is that I am much more willing to tell people what I need.

I'd reach out to friends and connections I made. These days, I promote the business I invested in, the work I am doing and promoting my skills. I take on more chances on collaboration, meeting and I am becoming less concerned about appearing desperate for a job.

On another occasion with my colleague, we reflected on what made our bosses earned the 6 figure income within a couple of months. We learned that basically the formula is this; " To be successful in life, you need shamelessness and courage to take risks."

You can't have just one, you need to have both.

Sometimes, because I often teach in public, people ask me my rate for the English classes I conducted. I also notice that I stopped shying away of telling people what I do for a living and everything included in it.

As of now, I have about 3 to 4 jobs and I am still looking for more opportunity 😅

and yes, I have time for about 2 more jobs that I can do during the evening. So, if you have opportunity for me, let me know 😁

Throughout these past months, I've been getting ignored, rejected, defamed but I still consistently pursue whatever I needed to survive. Somehow, despite all the chaos I experience, I have strangely found more direction.

These are some of the things I am working on with my team :

• Digital subscription reseller through this https://premiumapp.umbrellatech.web.id/
• Land Acquisition Operations Platform that we try to develop
• some other more ventures (waiting for the initial capital or angel investor, of course)

All of those requires capital to grow and right now, I am trying to find more jobs to not only fund my life but also all of that ventures. The second one is being submitted to a hackaton. So, who knows? I hope it gets into the preliminary round.

But yes, recently after everything I've been through, I am less ashamed about sharing what I do, advertising my skills and looking for more opportunities everywhere. Just like today's reflection, it's like once I am writing it out loud, It feels much more freeing.

In case you ask me when/how I sleep? I still do. In between commuting through different cities, I get my sleep since I am not able to check my laptop / devices.