Then I got involved in the family business, became more embedded in society, and got caught up in credentialism and comparisons I never used to care about.
Sometimes, it just hits you in the head.
I was wondering what has really changed and why I complained over here that I am poor as fuck. The old me would've done that less. She would simply work, work, and patiently work to get back up. I am also less creative and my creative part of brain seems to be slowly dying. It's like I fail to see the beauty and see everything as excitement once more because the nature of work I do that's very monotonous. And I have noticed that these days due to my nature of work, I get extremely exposed to the people around me and how they live their life. I don't know how to escape it other than perhaps deleting their number which can be a bit impossible.
I went from experiencing life to evaluating my position in it. I was happily enjoying my life then I enter society where education, professional titles, marriage, family standing, income, and material achievements function as important markers of success. The credentialism is extremely strong that everywhere I look at is the same. I hate to participate in it but I sold myself to the devil for some chump change.
The past couple of years, flashes by me but I understand the difference between them all, I was happier because I follow my own standard. I was successful in deafening my surrounding which led me to enjoy life to the fullest of my ability.
Today it's a reminder that I've strayed too far from who I truly am which whenever it happens, I need to remember what makes me happy and focus on it. I don't need others approval that my life is impressive, what always truly matters was that I enjoy it and it is impressive to me. I don't need to prove that I read thousands of books, traveled here and there. But obviously, another takeaway is always maximizing my own happiness because look at what caring about others happiness did to me. All I got was a constant gaslight, feeling like I never enough and so on.
I was happy living at my own terms, my own ways and all. Thankfully, as I get older, the easier it gets for me to go back into the right lane and know the triggers before it all gets bad.
What I care is that the freedom to explore and freely create things. I should go back there again and simply focus on the things that brings joy to me than what is rational for others.
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𝘊𝘦𝘮𝘺 (𝘰𝘳 𝘔𝘢𝘤) 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵, 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘳, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘮𝘣𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘬. 𝘏𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘶𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯: 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴? 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭, 𝘨𝘦𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘺, 𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴, 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘣𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘸𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘴. 𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯 𝘏𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘣 𝘢 𝘤𝘶𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺. |
