Learning to Work With My Brain, Not Against It

I never get properly diagnosed but my brother's children all of them has ADHD and was treated right away. My brothers and mother who got diagnosed made me curious if it's really in the family. While it remains a hypothesis, I do have the symptoms of someone with undiagnosed ADHD and for the longest of time, I tried to fight it because I was one of those people who believe it could just be laziness and environmental issue/conditioning.

Yet one thing for sure is that once I have cleared all my debt and responsibilities, the first thing I do is get it diagnosed whether I have it or some other psychological problems. It would be best to get it treated because I am honestly exhausted as I have a big of an ambitions and all these years I just end up feeling like a loser who do things half-finished.

Only as I get older, I started learning to consolidate a lot of things with the condition that I have. I started simplifying my meal, wear the same color everyday or have someone help me pick things for me. When it comes to learning, due to my time blindness, I have a strict clock and timer that shows me how long has time passed.

Otherwise, I would not be able to finish anything. Thanks to modern education these days, I learned that I am best in accelerated class than classes where it'll take years just to get a degree. I am also best with anything that has shorter commitment than a long term commitment because I am not a marathoner, I am a sprinter.

The thing is that, as I get reintegrated into society, I learn that I must have a steady career and a stable life. Both pursuit are something that I call a marathon. It'll take quite a bit of time to get there and as grueling as it sounds, I need to constantly sprint. For instance, right now I have accelerated class for my bachelor's degree. Best I can do is always around 2 years at max commitment. So, I do not want to apply to anything that takes longer than 2 years. If I can do it accelerated, I would do it.

This is also why, sometimes I enjoy the consulting work that I do because it involves all the things that ADHD brain thrives on. It has constant novelty, high pressure, and there's always clear communication. Most importantly, you only work for a few months at a time, switch to new places and new projects. That keeps the novelty and myself from getting overly bored.

There are many things in my life that I come to terms with and basically, learning how to deal with the the lower dopamine days. I notice that when I have lower dopamine everything really sucks. It's even worse when you are poor because a lot of things that increase dopamine for me costs something. But, I find that certain music helps and movement even if it's just 2-3 minutes. So, I learn something new in my current poverty state.

Eventually, I learn to work with my condition rather than constantly fighting it without ignoring that it exist. Now, I recognize that it may exist and I am adjusting to a lot of things in life to be more stable in the next decade.