So, Apparently I’m Going to Be an Engineer

Is this real adulthood? I caught myself wondering if during my inactivity years, I stayed as child inside. These days, I collected so many new information, knowledge, and memories but having a very little time to metabolize all those experiences. Sometimes I feel like I am smart but also stupid simultaneously. I am a teacher but also a student. So, who am I? During my time working these past couple of days, I learned to just be someone who is teachable.

But that is half of the story of this reflection.

My school starts next week and for some reason, I finally felt like this is me. I am going to be an Engineer. Sometimes, I wonder if I take a roundabout way to be who I truly am. Ever since I was a kid, there was no doubt that at some point, I'd either be an Engineer or an Analyst. The thing is, I grew up in financially unstable family that STEM was so out of reach to me but also, I didn't quite develop a discipline as well despite everything my parents tried to teach me. You know, when you're pretty smart and things are way too easy for you, you get cocky at times. Then, coupled that with no access to constantly challenge myself or a better way to cope with failures. That was a recipe to disaster. In the end, I had to learn about failures through the most devastating way possible.

But, I learned anyway and now, I am moving forward. Maybe I can't be reduced to one thing and one thing only. I am coming to terms that I can connect every unrelated things to be more interesting. I have a particular unique angle especially when I care enough about it and it has the potential to generate an income.

And, here's to new semester and back being a student.

Just last week, I tried to systemize my life but oh well.... It doesn't matter how I beautifully organized my entire week, sometimes my life responses are based on SOS that my office gives me. I don't get how some of these people/ consultants operate in this chaos. They are 60+ but their brain has 2000 tabs open and they successfully navigate that chaos. I, on the other hand, can't stand more than 5 to-do in my brain.

Maybe those are new skills I have to learn now including learning to stop controlling every fraction of my life. In the end, plans and things change. But sometimes, strangely after a roundabout way to find ourselves, you might find yourself somewhere familiar just like I do.

But yes, in case you're wondering why I haven't been that active lately... I am juggling between about 6 different projects in 4 different locations, including teaching from Monday-Sunday part time as well as growing a business I recently started with 2 of other new associates of mine.

And this is the starting point to become a new student, this time.. I definitely won't give up despite the challenges and will ask for more help whenever I need one rather than like it was, afraid to speak up of my problems.