We missed our August 20th wedding anniversary a few weeks ago, by the time I got to finishing this post off in my drafts. We're terrible at dates and just forgot. It didn't matter. We don't need a day to celebrate a good marriage.
The running joke, of course, is that you get less time for murder. 22 years of marriage and nearly 24 years together is a life sentence, if we were unhappy. We're not. I love this man. He loves me.
I don't need a present or a fancy dinner. What I do need is a partner that will force me out of a bed on a stupid mental health walk when I'm feeling depressed. That will hug me and tell me he knows and that it will be okay. That is learning not to try to fix me, but just to be there.
So that's what we did on our anniversary we didn't know was our anniversary at all. We did things together. Were there for each other.
Here's a man that will point out wedgetailed eagles and pink robins as well as lichen on the river bridges. That will take me out looking for orchids. I mean, that's enough to start pulling me out of my head, just looking at the cool patterns and shapes of lichen.
We found a sheep track and went exploring, curious at what was up there. Turns out it was this amazing clearing with a view of the hills beyond. This town is full of suprises. We've spent a marriage looking for a place to land from Spain to Queensland and I'm so happy I'm here with him.
There was also a kids treehouse and a small fire - clearly a place for local kids to come and hang out.
Sometimes I look at this man and I'm amazed. How is it that this is the guy I'm spending my life with? How is it I've lucked out?
And of course he can irritate me, and infuriate me, but more often than not he's the one I lean on. He's the one that makes me laugh, that makes me feel safe, that has my back. He's the one that makes me tea in the morning, that does the dishes at night, that lights the fire. I'm the one who makes him lasagne when he's had a rough day at work, that makes his bed, that picks him up wine from Aldi on a Friday night.
And maybe that's what a good marriage is - doing things for each other, even if you don't want to. And maybe the more you do it, the more you want to.
My three year old nephew has even been thinking about it.
"Does grandpa do lots of things for grandma like defrost banana for her?" "Hmm why do you think she doesn't defrost her banana for herself?" "She might be busy. Busy knitting. On those days where she is busy knitting all day, maybe then he defrosts banana for her"
For the record, I never knit all day nor do I make a habit of defrosting bananas, but as Jamie said: 'babe, I'll always defrost your bananas for you'.
Now that's a good marriage.
With Love,
