The entire future weighs heavily on two fragile shoulders

​What recurring thoughts are taking up space that could belong to clarity, stillness, or a deeper understanding?

​Some time ago, I read something interesting—though it really has no scientific basis—that said people with nearsightedness are that way because they’re afraid to see the future. Obviously, this isn’t true, but curiously, I’ve had nearsightedness since I was about ten years old—or at least that’s when I started wearing glasses. What am I getting at with all this? The truth is, one of the things that crosses my mind most often is an obsession with the future.

For me, it’s always been a bit of a problem to live in the wrong time frame. Instead of being 100% present, there’s always a thought in my mind about what might happen next or even something I need to do later. And I’ve spent almost my entire conscious life trying to set this aside and hold on to what I have right now—which is the only thing I can see, perceive, and partially control, because the truth is, I can’t control everything.

​The truth is that this need to be one step ahead—trying to think about something that might happen, perhaps someone’s reaction or even the weather—could easily be mistaken for being cautious. But you have to believe me when I say that this goes far beyond that. At least in my case, it means suffering prematurely over a situation I’m not even sure will happen, robbing myself of my moments and leaving me with blurry memories of beautiful moments I could have enjoyed more.

​While this is something I’m very aware of and know how much it affects me, the truth is that sometimes I can’t control it completely—but I keep trying my best. The truth is that the future is just that—something I should worry about later, not now. Sometimes, half-jokingly and to quiet my mind a little, I say, “It’s okay, the future Jemima will take care of it,” as if telling my mind that I’m not going to think about that situation anymore.

Obviously, I’ve tried many ways to deal with this, including therapy, but I have to admit that there are days when nothing can help me get it under control. Even so, I still have this power—the ability to know exactly what’s going on in my head. I know that with more practice and time, I’ll be able to set this aside so I can have a little more peace of mind, because honestly, having all these thoughts racing faster than I can keep up with—even in another timeline—is exhausting.

For me, the most important thing right now—and knowing that I must keep working at it constantly and consciously—is that sometimes we aren’t immune to life’s fast pace, and this leads us to want to go faster than we should. Yes, my greatest wish is to be fully present in the here and now, so that every memory is safely stored and I can see it clearly in the future.